Reading faces
by Yamachinostalgia
Summary: Matt and Sora are having relationship issues. Meanwhile Matt becomes more and more aware of Tai's crush on him. A story of friendship and learning what love really is. Slash Taito yamachi Yaoi boyxboy, bits of daikeru :) due to harsh language and some drug use Im tempted to rate it M but I think it's ok, let me know if you think it should be bumped up.
1. Chapter 1

Sora's a bitch. She's yelling at me again about what a terrible boyfriend I am. It's not like I don't try, but when you're the lead singer in the hottest underground type band, you have to maintain a certain image. So yes, she may be bringing up some very valid points, and yes, I do flirt with my fans. But only in very open places in front of the press, and only when I have several escape routs. I've stopped listening to all her convincing rantings about how I treat her horribly. My mind wanders to the newest song I've been working on. She pauses, and I feign shame and mumble inaudibly. That seems to be enough to convince her that I'm taking her nagging to heart. I wonder if Tai's still in his soccer game, I hate missing them.

"I swear, Matt, I can't even look at you!" she crosses her arms and spins around dramatically. I miss the old sora. It's no fair that everyone else gets to see her, but since I'm dating her I just get this dramatic, girly, judgmental version. Her backs still turned away from me and her tones turned sad.

"I just feel so over-looked and unloved! I just don't understand why you can't be more sensitive!" I want to tell her that yes, in fact she does understand, because I've explained all this a hundred times. But I don't, because in those hundred times I've learned that she doesn't listen, and it will only make her yell louder and for longer. I glance up at the clock. 10 o'clock. Three hours since I signed the bimbo-groupies tits. God, how long is she going to go on like this? I let out a sigh, and she whips around, a new fire in her eyes.

"what?! Am I boring you? Do you have somewhere better to be than trying to save our relationship? What the fuck Matt! You can be a real dick!" I wince, standing up in front of her. She looks up at me venomously.

"sora, come on, you know i didn't mean anything by it. But my fans have certain expectations of me."

"You think I care about your fans?! I care about you and me, Matt! That's all! But it's obvious you don't!"

"sora, the fans buy my CDs and tee shirts, which means I get paid. You should-" but she interrupts with that same line she always uses when she's about to loose the argument to the more calm and logical side of things.

"God, just shut the fuck up! I don't even want to hear you right now!" finally she storms out. I wait until I hear her car door slam, then let out a relieved sigh. I light up a cigarette and check my phone to see what I missed since my show started, what, four, five, hours ago?

Two missed calls from Tk, one from the house (probably Tk again,) Four missed calls from Kari, as well as a threatening text for missing Tai's big game, and one missed call from Tai. See, unlike everyone else, Tai understands that there's no reason to call a million times, I always get back to them when I can. I call Tk first, but it goes straight to voicemail. I skip Kari, having enough female rage directed at me for one day, and skip straight to calling Tai.

"Matt! Hey, I'm at pizza hut with izzy and joe! Meet us down here?" he asks excitedly. I laugh a little.

"I can be there in ten minutes."

On the drive there, I hummed out my new song, trying to nail down the second verse. This particular song had really stemmed from the chaos between sora and me, but the bridge and middle verse had more of a serene, purposeful feel to them. So I had to think of things of equal feelings while singing it. The best I could do was our digital adventures, but I couldn't feel the same serenity in those memories as I use to. It was very frustrating, and I was beginning to blame Sora for that too. Finally I pulled into the pizza parlor, and saw Tai wave excitedly at me from inside. I grinned, hurrying through the doors.

"Hey guys, where are our women?" I asked with a smile as I slid in beside izzy. Tai rolled his eyes as Joe answered me.

"Well Mimi wont be back from new York until the end of the month, and Kari and Tk left right after the game. Oh, that is, not that Tk's a girl." Joe frowned, causing the rest of us to laugh.

"Yeah, Kari dragged him away with stars in her eyes. I'm sure they're off somewhere secluded and romantic." Tai explained, waving his hand dismissively. I rolled my eyes. Tk had confided in me last week that he didn't like Kari.

"in fact," he had said, "I don't think I like girls at all." he looked up at me nervously, as though that could matter to me. Luckily he's as good at reading people as I am, and after one look at me he knew I didn't mind who liked so long as it was someone that made him happy. But back to today:

"Wheres Sora?" Joe asked, slurping down what I assume is iced tea. I sigh heavily.

"Probably blowing off steam somewhere." I shrug. Tai frowns in concern, setting his pizza down.

"You guys fighting again?" it was no big secret. Last time we fought it happened to be in front of all 12 digidestind. (elder and next gen)

"yeah, I signed some tits and she got all huffy over it." I roll my eyes, as Joe and Izzy exchange worried looks. Tai made a small 'huh' sound, before turning the conversation to his game. I've never been a big sports guy, but of course I love supporting my friends. After all, if it wasn't for their support with my music, I don't think I ever would have formed a band in the first place. Apparently it was quite an exciting game, as Tai was practically bouncing in his seat as he explained it to me play by play. I nodded and smiled at the appropriate times, but still my mind wondered back to my song. Somehow in this noisy pizza parlor it became slightly clearer, but still the notes remained just out of reach. I watched Tai's enthusiastic hand gestures as he explained the final seconds of the game where he and some guy named Soromeito had won the game just in the nick of time. I grinned at him congratulating him on his victory, just as Joe and Izzy said their good nights, and took off.

"So what are you up to tonight?" I ask, stealing his unfinished slice of pizza. He looks up at me with warm brown eyes for a long minute before seeming to snap back.

"I was just going to head back to the dorm, pop in some generic horror movie." he shrugs, staring at the table. I watch him suspiciously. I've had this theory about him for a few weeks, but it's one of those things better left alone. I hope he thinks the same. Finally he looks up at me, so I invite him to my apartment instead.

"I just rented that new torture movie if you feel up to it." I offer. He beams at me, eyes glistening.

"yeah! Let's go!" I follow him out, taking the unfinished slice with me.

We walk in a comfortable silence back to the car, me, munching on his leftovers, and him staring up at the sky. I leaned against the car as I finished up the crust, Tai leaning beside me. I glance over at him and light up a cigarette. He's still staring straight up. So I do the same. It was a particularly clear night with more stars than I've seen in a while; then again, I rarely look. We stayed that way for a minute, then out of my peripheral I see his attention shift to me. At first I expected him to be his normal impatient self and urge me to hurry up and unlock the car door, but then-I kid you not-his gaze actually wandered all down my side. Theory confirmed. I laugh lightly at the absurdity of my situation. Dating a girl who's better as a friend while my best friend wants to be dating me. I glance at him and he blushes and darts his eyes away.

"You ready or what? Come on! Open the doors!" he finally whines. I laugh lightly at him, shaking my head and flicking my cigarette butt.

Once in the car he begins fidgeting with my busted radio. A few weeks ago he was in here and I stepped out to grab a few things from the store. When I got back he swore he got it to work for a minute, an hasn't stopped messing with it since. Personally I don't really care. I like the quiet to work out the kinks of whatever song I'm working on.

Once we pull into my apartment complex he quickly hops out of the car and rushes to the elevator, holding it for me once it arrives. I yawn, stretching my arms over my head. It didn't seem like a weird movement until I heard Tai swallow quite loudly. I glance over, not rushing my stretch. His eyes were glued to the ground and his cheeks were growing more and more red. I smiled again, my song coming to mind again. Even with Tai's feelings towards me becoming painfully obvious, I still felt my most serene when he was at my side. I know it should freak me out, and if it was any other guy, even another digidestend I know I would be grossed out and completely avoid them, but Tai's my best friend. And unless he tries to act on that shit, I wouldn't give up our friendship for anything. We arrive at my little studio apartment and I get the movie going while Tai happily plops down on my futon. It was still pulled out, and my blankets were a mess, but he just wiggled under them naturally. I shut off the lights and started up the movie, sitting atop the blankets next to him. About half way through the movie, I felt Tai curl up to my arm. I nearly snapped my hand back in a dramatic gesture of where I stand on the issue, until I noticed his light snoring. I relaxed my arm, sighing to myself. I guess this is ok... I shut off the tv, leaning back. I glanced down at his peacefully sleeping face, chuckling to myself again before drifting off to sleep.

_A/N:: if I ever become a billionaire I want to make an adult digimon movie and I know I'd want Izzy to be played by Seth green :)_

_Lol please review and let me know if you like and want to see more!_


	2. Chapter 2

When I awoke, Tai was gone and the blankets he was under were folded over me. I blinked a few times letting the blurriness settle a bit before sitting up. The Tv in front of me had a post-it stuck to it with Tai's terrible handwriting scrawled on it.

'Matt- sorry I fell asleep. Guess that game wore me out more than I thought! Anyways, I was late for class so I let myself out. I'll see you tomorrow? -Tai'

My eyebrows furrowed together as I tried to remember what tomorrow was. Tuesday? What was Tuesday? I slowly made my way to my fridge, checking the calendar stuck to it.

Ok, Sunday the gig at the Wilson center, Monday band rehearsal, Tuesday digi-picnic. Right. I sighed, dreading the confrontation with Sora. She was not good at keeping personal matters personal when it came to the other digi destined. I opened the fridge pulling out a carton of orange juice. Thank god sora and I don't live together. I chuckled, bringing the edge of the carton to my lips.

Checking my phone I saw that I missed another call from Tk. I'd have to remember to call him in the next couple hours once he gets out of school. I'm sure he wants to share about his undoubtably awkward night with Kari. Poor kids.

After I got myself ready for the day, I called up kris, our bands lead guitarist.

"Hey man, nice job last night. The band all ready for practice?" I asked on my way to the car.

"practice? Man we rocked last night, we deserve a party! Head up to safaia street, you'll see the signs. We're all headed there now." I groaned lightly, tempted to just go back to sleep. However, duty calls, and a band has to have its image.

As I near the house, I can feel the music pounding against my car. There are already cars lined all down the street, but the driveway has signs saying "teenage wolf parking only." I pull in, hearing fan girl screams already. Awesome. A large muscled man wades through the crowd to my car.

"Matt! Hey, my names Soromeito, I'm a huge fan, this is my house." he grins at me, and I shake his hand.

"Man I heard so much about your gig last night, I wish I could have been there!" he continues, leading me deep into the party. He continues talking, but I can no longer hear him over the music and the yelled conversations around us. I silently excuse myself when I see kris talking to some hooded kid by the keg.

"Matt! You made it!" he yells in my ear.

"this is Kyou! He's got the best shit this side of Tokyo! I got you some killer transformers!" he hands me a small baggy filled with red pills. I smirk thanking him and motion for him to follow me outside for a cigarette. He complies, and once we're a few paces away from the house we can almost speak at a normal volume. We light up our cigarettes in a coincidentally synchronized fashion as a bright flash goes off. I look up startled at the camera with a young girl slowly turning to mush behind it. She squeals and runs away. Kris laughs, still finding the fan girls amusing somehow. I sigh, and he turns to me concerned.

"you ok man? I know your girly was grilling you pretty bad after the show." he frowns, and I scratch the back of my neck awkwardly.

"Yeah that was rough, but you know how it is, just nod and act somber." I shrug an he tilts his head slightly.

"you want to talk about it?" he asks with genuine concern. I roll my eyes.

"nothing to talk about. She thinks she's right and I can't convince her otherwise, so I just have to wait until it blows over." He looks at me like I've grown a second head.

"Until next time."

"yup." theres a minute of silence before he says

"You think maybe you should call it off with her? I mean it's obvious you two aren't right for eachother, and it's not like you dont have any other options." he gestures back toward the party. I shake my head. The bands a huge part of who I am, but the digi destined is a larger part of me. Having someone who knows that part of me is more important, but I can't exactally explain that to him.

I flick my cigarette and wait for him to follow suit before we head back to the house.

"At least try that shit I got you. You know you need the stress reliever." now it's my turn to give him a crazy look.

"I do have to drive home at some point." I remind him. He rolls his eyes.

"you don't HAVE to. But I know you will anyways, probably before the party even picks up." he pouts a little, causing me to laugh. He knows me well.

We return to the party and mingle until our ears ring. Finally it starts getting dark, and Soromeito pushes through the crowd to turn on a variety of colored lights all flashing and pulsing through out the house. I consider for a minute trying some of the little pills, before I remember the call I missed from Tk this morning. I slip outside, seeing I missed a few more from him. I sigh, and walk a good distance from the house to call him back.

"Matt! Hey, can I come over? I really need to talk to someone!" I frown at his worried tone.

"I'm not at home, but I can come pick you up." I offer, glad for the excuse to leave the sloppy house full of drugged out drunks. I heard his voice mellow out as he tells me that he's at the park by his high school. And as if on cue, kris and the other members of my band walk up to me. (well the rest of the band walks, kris seems to have found a way to mix stumbling and floating.)

"don't tell me your leaving already." Curtis, the drum player frowns at me. I smile at them.

"sorry guys, my brother needs me." and with that I hop in my car and head out.

On the way to the park I hum what I've written of my song to myself, still unable to complete any more of it. I can tell already it's going to be a huge hit, if I can just finish the damn thing.

I park the car, texting Tk that I've arrived. Not two minutes later he hops in next to me. He looks sad, lost almost. I frown.

"ok, what's up." I ask, resting my arms on top of the steering wheel. He cringes lightly and bites his lip.

"Can we just get to your place first?" he asks almost too quietly. I sigh, shifting the car into reverse. Before I leave the parking lot however he starts crying.

"Kari kissed me!" he exclaims sorrowfully. I glance at his sunken form out of the corner of my eye.

"I pushed her away an-and said I didn't like her like that, and sh-she started yelling at me for leading her on, and n-now she's going to start going out with Davis!" He wailed. I waited for him to continue, but he just burrowed his face in his hands. I frown in confusion.

"if you don't like her then what does it matter who she dates?" he sobbed louder and it clicked for me.

"oh shit." I half whispered. Tk nodded still covering his face. I tried not to see the irony of his situation compared to my own.

"Why Davis?" I asked, still shocked. He scoffed.

"He's just so b-brave and k-kind, I mean not to me, b-but I think I'm in love with him!" he sobbed hard again. I pulled into my parking space, and turned to fully face him.

"Tk, love is a strong word." it came out a lot more condescending then I had meant it. He glared at me through his tears.

"I knew you couldn't understand. You've never loved anyone!" he shouted, intending to hurt me. I cocked my head to the side unfazed.

"I'm not saying you don't love him. I have no way of knowing if you do or not, only you can know that. I was just surprised is all." I explained calmly. he looked down at his hands which were grasping the hem of his shorts tightly.

"Tk.." I started with a sigh.

"you're right. I've never loved anyone romantically. But I know a thing or two about it. I know it hurts a hell of a lot more than anything on this earth. I know that it's like friendship but times a hundred at least." he nodded silently.

"and... I know that true love means that the most important thing is the other persons happiness." I waited for the backlash of this comment, but he just seemed to slip into his own world.

"now come on, I'm pretty sure I still have some ice cream and cookies upstairs." he wiped his eyes with the back of his sleeve and nodded.

We made our way upstairs and I began concocting a sugary remedy for him.

"pick out a movie, something funny, ok?" I asked, still buried in the pantry.

"Tai slept over here?" Tk asked, pulling the post-it off the tv.

"Hm? Yeah, we met up after his game for a horror movie night." Tk gave me a look I wasn't sure I could decipher. Maybe he had seen Tai give me gooey eyes too.

"how about baseketball?" I suggested, pulling its case off the shelf. He smiled and nodded, taking the chocolatey bowl off my hands while I loaded up the movie.

Once the movie was about over and he had finished his ice cream, he turned to me, pulling my blanket up to his chest.

"you're right. I made this thing with Kari all about me. But it's not about me. It's about Davis finally being with the person he loves." he paused, breathing a little heavier than normal. I thought for a minute that he would start crying again, but he instead he smiled sadly.

"That's good. He'll be really happy, and I should just be glad that I'm close enough to him to see that. Even if it's from the outside looking in." he nodded, staring through the world again.

"Tk, you're an amazing kid. Definitely more mature than I was at your age." I smiled, remembering how mad I had been at Tai when he and Sora had first starting dating in high school. And what I felt for her definitely has never been love, at least not the romantic kind.

"I am so proud of who you are." I smiled at him, earning a proud smile from him in return.

"Thanks Matt." he yawned loudly.

"Come on, I'll take you home kiddo."

_A/N:: Please review! I'd love to hear your thoughts!_

_ feedback is love!_


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N:: hey guys! So I was determined to only post one chapter per day maximum, but I've had a lot of time to write today and it felt unfair to horde them lol. First of all, I want to apologize for the drug usage in this chapter, I haven't done anything like this since I first graduated high school, but since they're about that age it just felt right. :P so I should probably bump it up to M but I'm not entirely convinced it deserves it. I mean it's not like it's explicit sex, although I do probably go too in depth about it... Anyways let me know if you think I should._

_Next, I want to thank xcloudx-xstrifex for their support, as well as negaikoumi, and to answer your question, there will be more pairings thrown in lightly eventually, but as for Mimi and Sora, their relationships won't be mentioned for SEVERAL more chapters, so it's hard to say. However I do think jyoura is a strong possibility. ;) still, it's difficult because this story's entirely from Matt's point of view. Ok, I think I covered everything, so without further delay, CHAPTER 3!_

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After I dropped Tk off and had gotten back to my apartment, I pulled my pajamas out and began emptying my pockets onto my dresser. I stopped when I felt the little baggy of ecstasy that kris had gotten for me. I paused weighing the pros and cons of taking it tonight.

Pros: I'm alone, so no one to judge.

It really would help me de-stress.

And maybe I could even use the high to work on my music.

Cons: I did have to meet up with everyone tomorrow, and it might wear me out a bit.

Since that was all I could think of, I pulled one of the pills out of the bag and chewed it up, washing it down with an entire bottle of water. Next I set up some blinking Christmas lights, and a soft super-sized teddy bear I've had since childhood. All that was left now was to wait for it to kick in. Just then my phone started ringing. I rolled my eyes, before answering it.

"hey, Matt... Can I talk to you?"

"Kari?" I asked in surprise.

"yeah, it's just... Tk really doesn't like me, does he?" I sighed.

"I'm so sorry Kari. I wish I could tell you otherwise, but he thinks of you as his best friend."

"But that's it, right? God, I just feel so stupid! He always seems to be keeping me and Davis away from each other, I just... I don't understand..." Why was I the one to counsel everyone on love? God knows I'm not nearly qualified for it. I sat on my bed, unconsciously petting my teddy bear.

"Kari, I don't know much about love-"

"Love?" she cut me off, with a sad laugh.

"I'm sixteen Matt, I just want him to like me!" I sighed heavily.

"Kari, he doesn't need to see you romantically for him to like you. Hell, I know for a fact that he loves and respects you a great deal. You just need to respect that he doesn't feel romantically towards you. Some people aren't meant for that. They're love's stronger as friends."

"like you and Sora." I cringed.

"Is it that obvious?" I asked timidly.

"I met up with her last night. It just seems like every time I see you guys you're either fighting or have just made up. I'm sorry, it's not my place to say..." I sighed.

"It's ok, you're upset, and also right. I don't think Sora will put up with me for much longer, and it's got to be better that way. I just hope we can find our way back to being friends after its all done. Honestly I should have seen this coming from the minute she first came on to me. I've always known I didn't love her like that, and deep down I knew we wouldn't make each other happy. I guess I just hoped I could learn to love her like she wanted me to. But it doesn't work like that." I paused in my rant, suddenly finding my Christmas lights much more wonderful than I had when I first set them up.

"Huh. Thanks Matt, you're an amazing friend." I heard her sniffle a bit, then heard some muffled voices in the background.

"Oh Matt, Tai wants to talk to you." I rolled my eyes but waited for her to hand over the phone.

"Matt hey!" I could practically hear the grin on his face.

"Hey Tai, what's up?" I asked as I leaned back, pulling the teddy bear up to my chest now, basically rubbing my face into it.

"Soromeito from my soccer team called, he said he's throwing some big party in honor of your band." I chuckled.

"Yeah big is right, you could barely move in that place." there was a bit of a pause.

"So you're not there?" he almost sounded disappointed.

"Nah, I made an appearance, but I'm just lounging at home now." another pause.

"So you wouldn't want to meet me there?" he asked timidly.

"Honestly I'm kind of too fucked up to drive even if I wanted to head back there." I admitted. I think if any of the other digi destined found out I occasionally treat myself in this fashion they'd go all intervention on me; but I really don't know what Tai would do.

"Oh." he stated in a surprised tone.

"Ok." this time he just sounded glum. Goddamn it, I hated when he uses that tone. I sighed, getting up to check my liquor cabinet.

"I got about four beers, a third of a bottle of scotch, and... Nearly half a bottle of cheap rum, if you want to drink over here." I rubbed my eyes, knowing this was probably a bad idea.

"I'll be right over!" he replies excitedly before clicking the phone shut. I sighed, and stashed my little bag of ecstasy as well as my giant teddy bear (albeit a bit more reluctantly) and within a few minutes Tai was knocking on my door. I opened it to see his big goofy smile, as he held up a bottle of flavored vodka.

"Dragon berry? A little girly, don't you think?" I laughed. He frowned, looking at the label as he walked past me.

"Nothing with the word dragon in it can be girly." he declared, and I had to laugh.

"What's with the Christmas lights?" he asked as he looked around the room. Shaking my head I decided to avoid that answer for now, instead grabbing two shot glasses. I'm pretty sure you're not suppose to drink while on this stuff, but so long as you stay hydrated it might not kill you.

"Sorry about the party man, but you could have gone without me." he scrunched up his nose.

"Right, because hanging out with Soromeito and having him ask me all kinds of questions about you and the band sounds like a blast." I chuckled, handing him a full shot glass while I took down my own.

"Seriously? That big of a fan, huh?" Tai rolled his eyes before taking down his own.

"You have no idea. Last month at your emerarudo park concert I ran into him and ALL he could talk about is how you have the best life, the most amazing talent, the most gorgeous girl-" I scoffed unintentionally.

"S-sorry, I didn't mean to.." he trailed off, a blush spreading across his face. I smiled at his awkwardness, pouring us each another shot, which he took gratefully.

"It's cool man, Sora and I had a good run." I replied. He looked up at me in confusion.

"So it's really over?" he seemed to flinch as he asked. I sighed, rubbing my neck lightly.

"Not officially, but I think we both know it." I sat down next to him on the edge of my futon, staring at the twinkling lights and rubbing my hands on the sheets.

"Sorry." he muttered before pouring himself a shot. I skipped this round, grabbing a new water bottle instead. My teeth were clenched too tight and I could not for the life of me quench my cotton mouth. It's been a long time since I've been on the stuff. I was kicking myself for not buying some suckers or something.

"you ok though? You seem off." he cocked his head to the side as he questioned me.

"Like I said, I'm all fucked up." I smiled, and he just laughed.

"I'm not far behind you." I rolled my eyes, knowing how false that was.

"Man, I need a cigarette bad, you mind if we step outside?"I asked. he chuckled at me.

"You and your cancer, huh?" I grinned back at him.

"I need my daily dose."

"more like hourly dose." he jabbed his elbow against my side teasingly as we stepped on the elevator.

"Hell of a lot more than that when I'm rolling." I said before remembering I hadn't told him about that. He frowned, an cocked his head to the side again.

"Rolling? What does that mean?" he asked softly. I paused, lighting up my cigarette while I tried to figure out what to say.

"Well. You know how I said I'm fucked up?" I started. He motioned for me to continue. I took a long, wonderful drag of my cigarette leaning back against my car.

"Well, I wasn't drunk till you got here." I was hoping I wouldn't need to say anything else, but he continued to look at my with questioning brown eyes, that now had concern laced in them.

"Drugs." I said simply. He frowned.

"Drugs? What drugs?" he turned more towards me, stumbling slightly.

"Ecstasy buddy." I smirked. That wasn't too hard. He was quiet until I finished my smoke.

"What's it like?" he finally asked once the elevator doors shut behind us.

"Well. It lives up to its name, that's for sure. Lights an colors are amazing, so is everything I touch. It's like everything awesome is super enhanced." he seemed to ponder that for a long while until we got back to the safety of my apartment.

"You're not scared of having a bad trip?" I laughed at him a little, before remembering that drug knowledge wasn't something I was suppose to be proud of.

"Not possible. What ecstasy does, well, most of it that you find is a special cocktail of other drugs, but what pure ecstasy does is release all your pleasure hormones in your brain. I forget the name for them; seratonin or something? Anyways, it's not like other drugs that affect everyone differently. It does what it does." I expected another long pondering from him, but instead he asked

"Do you have any extra?" I laughed, shaking my head at him.

"Yeah, but if your planning on taking some I'm going over the full safety briefing. And I'm kinda drunk for that so if I miss anything I'll fill you in as the night goes on." I frowned suddenly unsure I should do this. I mean he's been drinking a lot, I don't know that I'd be ok putting him in that kind of danger. I sighed, knowing I'd just have to force him to drink a gallon of water before letting him take any.

After my whole little safety speech, I handed him a large jug of water.

"You're kidding, right?" I smiled, crossing my arms and leaning against my desk.

"Safety first Tai." he crinkled his nose.

"So you drank this whole thing before you took yours?" I frowned.

"I've done this before, besides, if you die I'd never hear the end of it." he rolls his eyes, but started chugging the water as fast as comfortably possible anyways. I smiled, and turned to fish out my hidden drugs.

"you're sure you want to do this?" I asked, holding up the pill and sitting beside him. He held the gallon jug up toward me.

"Why else would I be drinking this whole thing?"

"Uh, to try to avoid a hangover tomorrow?" he just laughed.

"Hangovers hold no power over me!" he grinned before continuing his hydration. As he finished up I handed him the little red pill.

"Ok." he said staring at the thing.

"Time to leave the matrix." he stated, causing a fit of laughter from me. He chewed his up as instructed while I refilled his gallon of water. I handed it to him and he raised an eyebrow.

"Come on."

"you don't have to chug it, but trust me, you'll be glad you have it." I laughed. He frowned, but accepted it anyways.

"man I wish I bought some suckers." I mentioned, echoing my earlier thoughts. He giggled a little, giving me a weird look. I gave him one right back.

"Give it twenty minutes, you'll understand." I grinned.

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_A/N:: Please review! And definitely let me know if you think I should bump up the rating. Remember, feedback feeds the muse! _


	4. Chapter 4

We through on an episode of south park while we waited for those to kick in for him. Great episode for tripping too; season 12 episode 3. As the episode came to a close, I turned to him immediately laughing. His pupils basically covered his irises all together, and he had started rubbing my blankets. He grinned back at me, and I knew it was time to break out the teddy. I opened my closet, pulling out the massive bear. He looked shocked for a minute before bursting into laughter.

"Fine, laugh all you want. More teddy for me." I grinned as i sat next to him, setting the bear between us. As if instinctually he began petting it, and let out a pleased sound. I smiled before getting up to blast some music. He's gonna love this. I put on a cd I hadn't played since the last time I did this, nearly two years ago. A simple mix cd marked Dubstep in sharpie. As soon as it started up, I heard Tai gasp, as I simultaneously shuddered.

"It's like every vibrations' dancing through my skin!" he muttered happily. I hummed in agreement before sitting on the other side of the bear again. I lay back while Tai chugged some more water.

"and a sucker sounds amazing right now." he grinned at me as he lay back at my side. We remained quiet for a long time, just enjoying the music, lights, and super-sized teddy bear. My hand was running across its stomach for a while until Tai's hand brushed against mine. I started to move my hand, but he began rubbing my arm lightly. I froze, turning to him. His eyes were glued to the movement, so I cleared my throat. He wavered, but didn't stop running his fingertips across my forearm.

"Tai." I stated in almost a warning tone. He finally looked up at me, slowing quite a bit.

"that's a little gay." I informed him. He frowned, and apologized, but still didn't stop. I laughed a little, shaking my head. Whatever, it did feel amazing. Thanks to the drugs it was like he was sending electricity to my bones, or maybe pulling it out of them. So I relaxed, resting my arm on the bear.

After a short eternity, I sighed. I was more relaxed than I think I've ever been, but my need for nicotine was starting to spoil it. I turned to Tai with a light smile on my face. He looked back at me grinning.

"cigarette time." at this his smile faltered, but he stood up anyways. As we walked outside we felt the nights chill seep through us. I pulled out my phone, checking the time.

"Jesus, Tai, it's four in the morning." I said frowning, before lighting up my cancer stick.

"Huh. Time flies.." he murmured almost too quiet for me to hear. I hummed in a distracted reply. My arm felt weird without his on it now, and I had to remind myself how unnatural that thought would be without the drugs in our systems. Hell this whole night was probably a really bad idea. I didn't want to encourage his little crush, but I had been just too fucked up to remember that clearly before dosing him. God, I'm a real prick sometimes.

"Wait, Tai, don't you have school tomorrow?" I asked suddenly concerned. He shook his head.

"Monday's Wednesday's and Friday's." he said, staring up at the sky. I looked up too. There were still quite a few stars out tonight, and the seemed to pulse and glow like nothing I had seen before. As though reading my thoughts, Tai asked me softly

"Is it because of the drugs, or is the universe about to implode?" I laughed. The confusion on his face was too much. I love Tai's sense of humor. Often times its like he ignores it entirely which just adds to the endearment of it. After a few minutes I yawn, and flick my cigarette.

"We should probably get some sleep soon." I smile at him, and his dilalated eyes glisten back at me.

"Sounds good." slowly we make our way back up to my apartment. He flops down on my bed while I grab us each a pair of pajamas out of my dresser. I toss him the red ones while I slip into the bathroom to dress in my blue ones. By the time I get back out, he's already curled under the blankets snoring lightly. I smile at him and suddenly the next verse of my song clicks into place. I dash to my desk, scribbling the notes down quickly before laying down next to him. Thankfully he was at the far edge of my bed, so falling asleep felt as natural as it always had.

"Thanks Tai." I muttered as the world around me slipped away.


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N:: Hey guys! Thanks for reading! I'm not the best writer, but this story's been a nice outlet for me, so your support means so much to me! So please enjoy chapter 5, and as always, I'd love to hear your feedback! _

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I awoke to find that Tai had shifted during the night, and was now cuddled up on my chest. I sighed, feeling like a total asshole. I know about Tai's crush on me, and I still for some dumb ass reason thought this was a good idea. I slid Tai's arm from my waist and got out of bed as quietly as I could. Tai has always been a pretty deep sleeper, but then again, I've never woken up so close to him before. I grabbed a change of cloths and slipped into the bathroom. After a decently long shower and probably another half hour of hair taming, I stepped out ready for the day. I laughed, seeing Tai all sprawled out on my bed, still snoring peacefully. I checked the time, noting that we still had three hours until the digi destined picnic. I scribbled a note in case Tai woke up, then slipped out to grab us some coffee and breakfast.

I yawned as I waited in line at Starbucks. I knew I should feel guilty about last night, but it was really fun, and I even got most of my song figured out. Of course, if Tai thought of it as more than just 'fun' there might be more complications. What if he feels like I'm leading him on? God, what if I am? I shivered to myself, remembering his finger tips grazing across my arm. Jesus, I'm a fucking prick. I grabbed the coffees and as I got into my car, my phone started ringing. I shifted the coffees into the cup holders, threw the bag of pastries on the seat next to me and fished out my phone to check the caller Id. Sora; great. I sighed, answering reluctantly.

"Hey Sora. What's up?" there was a pause and for a minute I thought she had hung up.

"Matt, we can't do this anymore. I talked to Mimi and I'm going to New York to live with her for a while. I just can't do this anymore." before I could say anything in response, she hung up. I swore under my breath, clenching my phone tightly. I knew this was coming, but I thought shed at least wait until tonight to do it in person...

I pulled back into my apartment complex, grabbing the coffees and bag of pastries and heading up to my door. I juggled the breakfast goods trying to reach the keys in my pocket before Tai opened the door.

"Morning!" he grinned. I smiled back, handing him his cup. He grabbed the bag of food from me too and immediately began digging through it.

"Yeah! Bear claws! You rock Matt!" he grinned at me. I smiled halfheartedly back at him, my worry for sora overpowering my worries about the night before. He paused his eating, staring at me for a minute.

"What's wrong?" he asked with a powdered sugar frown. I sighed.

"Sora called. She's going to live with Mimi in America to get away from me. It's official I guess." I shrugged.

"She broke up with you over the phone? But we're meeting up with everyone in the digi world in two hours." Tai pointed at the clock, mimicking my own thoughts. I sighed again.

"Guess she's not going to be there." I slumped into the chair, and Tai pulled his up next to me. Honestly he looked more upset than me.

"I'm sorry man." he said, fidgeting slightly.

"Do you want to go to a strip club?" he asked catching me completely off guard. I stared at him for a minute before busting out laughing.

"Nah man, I have a better idea." I fished through my desk drawer and pulled out my digivice.

"feel like surprising our digital buddies a bit early?" He grinned at me in response, pulling out his digivice as well. I don't know if he always keeps it on him, but I'd like to think he does. I smiled back at him as I slid out a laptop from under my bed.

Not two minutes later we were standing on our favorite digital beach. I pulled off my shoes and socks, rolled up my pant legs

And sat just on edge of the dry sand. Every so often a wave would crash to shore, submersing my feet. I looked over towards Tai, expecting to see him sitting at my side, but he was still just standing there watching me. It should have been creepy, but it was kind of comforting in a way. I patted the sand next to me and he followed my lead. Soon we were both barefoot watching the endless sea crash at our feet. I sighed, rolling my shoulders to produce a loud crack. I glance over at Tai and found him laying in the sand, eyes closed, a smile swept across his face.

"I think last night was the best in my life." he spoke as though he could feel my eyes on him.

"Ok mr addictive personality. Just remember what I told you; that stuff's for once MAYBE twice a year maximum. Otherwise your brain will turn to mush." I smiled, knowing its not exactly what he meant. He laughed and shook his head, but thankfully didn't explain any further. I heard movement behind me an turned to see gabumon and augumon sitting several paces behind us. I waved them over, before turning back toward the sea. Soon they were beside us, and Tai jumped up to tackle hug his digital friend.

"Augumon! It's been too long!" he grinned almost as wide as the digimon he was hugging.

"Tai! I'm so glad you're here!"

"And so early!" Gaubumon chipped in happily. I smiled back at him, and the four of us began talking about everything that's happened in the last few months since we had seen them last. In what didn't at all seem like two hours, the other digi destined slowly began arriving, their digimon appearing not long after.

With all the digi destined here-save for Sora and Mimi-we began setting up the picnic area in the shade of the tree line. I was worried someone would ask me about Sora, but thankfully everyone seemed too busy catching up. The younger generation have been seeing their digimon on a regular basis, but Joe, Izzy, Tai, and me haven't been able to be here in some time. As the rest of the gang chatted excitedly, I took the opportunity to scope out the subtle things. Kari and Davis had wandered away from the group after barely eating, and were now sitting a few trees down from the rest of us all cuddled up. Tk was with our group, but he was mostly watching them. I think he's going to be ok. He still looks sad, but a meloncholy type, you know? Ken was focusing all his conversation on Yolie, who couldn't take her eyes off Izzy. Joe was explaining the complications of his doctor's exam to Cody, who was listening eagerly, but who I doubt understood half of what Joe was ranting about. Tai had taken it upon himself to get most of the digimon running around in a game of soccer, while patamon and gatomon lay cuddled up in the sun. We really were kind of misfitted these days.

I sighed, and Tk looked up at me with worry in his eyes. He quickly tilted his head as though to ask if I wanted to talk 'over that way.'

I shrugged, standing up, and Tk and I began walking through the woods.

"Are you ok Matt?" he asked as soon as we were out of earshot of the others. I shrugged again.

"Yeah, things just feel different." I frowned, but Tk just nodded.

"For everyone but Tai, right?" I gave him a strange look, but he just smiled a little. He definitely knew. I groaned a little.

"Nothing gets by the two of us, does it?" he smirked, but remained quiet.

"Tai's exactly the same. I mean, I know what's changed but..." I trailed off, frowning again.

"But with everyone else who's ever cared about you doing a one eighty once you start caring about them too your scared." Tk attempted to finish for me. I scrunched my nose.

"I care about Tai a lot, Tk. You know, like you care about Kari." this seemed to surprise him.

"Are you sure?" he asked, causing me to blink in confusion several times.

"Tai's my best friend, of course I care about him." but Tk just shook his head. I don't think I like where this was headed. Thankfully he changed the topic; not to my preferred subject, but with that opening line, I'd take it.

"Why isn't Sora here?" I looked down, slightly ashamed of myself.

"Sora's going to move in with Mimi for a while so she doesn't have to be around me." I said in more of a sulking tone than I had thought. Tk frowned, unable to find the words to keep me from brooding.

We walked a while longer in a comfortable silence, both of us pondering the matters at hand. After a few minutes however, I suggested we turn back.

"Have you noticed all the little love triangles around here?" Tk smiled, as though he wasn't part of one.

"You mean Ken, Yolie, and Izzy?" I chuckled lightly.

"I don't think Izzy has any idea." he laughed back.

"Yolie either. You see the way she treats Ken? Like he's the friendly neiborhood a-sexual" we chuckled for a minute before Tk seemed to search my face for something. I gave him a quizzical look before he said more seriously

"Like how you've seen Tai since he and Sora broke up?" I stopped in my tracks, stunned at the kid.

"Tai's been making gooey eyes at me for a few weeks, but it's not like I'm Yolie in this analogy." I frowned. Tk looked back at me like I was the child.

"A few weeks?" he asked with a smirk. I must have looked shocked and appalled, because he continued off course.

"I think Joe's the only one here immune to this." we laughed and continued our course back. Of course there's Cody, but he's just a youngen.

When we got back most of the gang had already left, and only Tai, Kari, Davis and Ken were left. Tk and I sat where the picnic had been set up, and watched with great amusement the soccer game that ken had begun reffing. After a minute or so Tai looked over at me, and abandoned his post. He plopped down next to me, still panting heavily.

"thought you two had left. I was just waiting for Kari and Davis to wake up and then I would have been out of here too!" he grinned contagiously.

"Glad I didn't miss you, I'm not ready to go back just yet." I muttered, laying back in the grass.

"What's up Tk?" Tai asked cocking his head to the side. Tk sighed.

"Matt? Is it ok if Tai and I go talk?" I sat up, looking between the two of them with curious eyes. My gay little brother wants to talk to my some-what gay best friend. Is that something that should bother me? Is it weird that it did?

"Sure." I finally said, hoping my reluctance wasn't weird. The two of them walked off, and I was left with the strangest urge to eavesdrop. Instead, I walked over to Kari and Davis.

"Hey guys, you awake?" I asked softly. Davis opened his eyes, grinning in a way that oddly reminded me of Tai.

"Hey Matt! We're just enjoying the weather." he shook the arm holding Kari, but she didn't budge.

"Well, I am. I guess she's sleeping." he smiled fondly at the girl, before patting the grass next to him with his free arm. I sat next to them, and sighed.

"So you guys are together now?" I asked, still speaking softly as to not wake Kari. Davis nodded, his eyes clouding over as he smiled. Now that was a Davis smile.

"Yeah. She said she talked to Tk, told him that she just liked him as a friend. I couldn't believe it." I frowned. Did all girls need to manipulate stories like this?

"Yeah I heard. Tk wasn't too upset. I guess they only acted like a couple because everyone wanted them too." I said, not wanting to burst the poor boys bubble. He nodded before shaking his arm again. When there was no sign of consciousness, he sighed.

"Honestly I still feel weird about the whole thing." he frowned, looking more serious than I knew he was capable of.

"weird how?" I asked curiously. Maybe he sensed her lie. Maybe he knew he was second place. He looked up at me with eyes that reminded me of a child's.

"I just never thought this would happen." he paused, eyebrows furrowing as he looked off in the distance.

"I had never really thought things through this far." he sighed, and I felt for him, again remembering when Sora and I had started dating. I had been so sure she and Tai were suppose to end up together. He looked up at me sheepishly.

"I guess there's no reason to keep hating Tk now, huh?" I chuckled.

"I guess not. You going to try to be nicer to him?" he snorts.

"Tk's a great guy, but I'm too use to it. I don't think either of us can get along with the other after the feud I started." I shrugged.

"You guys remind me a lot of me and Tai. It's kind of freaky sometimes." we smiled at each other.

"Well. We look up to you guys a lot." Davis shrugged.

"But I can't see you and Tai fighting over a girl." I laughed loudly.

"Seriously? Has no one told you?" a look of confusion covered his face.

"When we were your age, after we got back from the digi world, things between Tai and me... We both thought we loved Sora." he winced. I guess word travels fast.

"Back then, I thought they were destined to be together. That me intervening would be an affront to the digital gods, or something." it was his turn to laugh.

"And here I thought I was more like Tai." I smiled. So had I before the last few weeks.

"When they broke up, and Sora showed an interest in me, I guess I just hadn't prepared for it. I felt like the back up guy, the rebound. And no matter how she showed her love to me I never lost that mentality. Not because I didn't believe she loved me." I paused, knowing this was going a bit off course.

"I guess I just didn't believe I loved her. Not really. Anyways, my point is, that through all of this Tai and I found a balance between us. It was a bitter one at first, but then poking fun at each other became friendly. Like something we could rely on even when we lost everything else. Just keep an open mind, that's all. Being friendly doesn't mean you need to change how you act. Just how you think about it." he was staring intently at me. I thought I had derailed drastically, but he looked as though he felt the whole story through and through.

"Whelp, I'm done being the old guy. But I think everyone's about ready to head out, so you should think about waking her up." he smiled timidly.

"hey, do you think the four of us could hang out sometime? You me Tk and Tai?" I grinned.

"Sounds good. You have a day in mind?" he shrugs.

"I'm free after school except on Monday's and Friday's I have soccer." I nodded.

"I'll ask them and let you know." I grinned before standing up. Tai and Tk were walking towards us, both looking somber.

"Hey guys. You alright?" I ask once I get close enough to them.

"Yeah, just talking." Tk frowned.

"What were you and Davis talking about?" he asks looking over my shoulder.

"Oh. The four of us are hanging out on Thursday." I grinned decidedly. Tk looked confused.

"The four of who?" I rolled my eyes.

"You, me, Tai, and Davis. Movie night. And since your the best cook, I vote you in charge of snacks." he shares a confused look with Tai, but they agree. I tell Tk to let Davis know I'll pick them up after school for a movie night, then Tai and I head back to the real world.

"So what were you and Tk talking about?" I ask, already having an idea. He blushes from head to foot before sputtering out a poorly thought out excuse. I laugh, but don't push it. I think I mostly just wanted to see him squirm.

We're back at my apartment, and I pop in another episode of south park with out asking. This seems to make him happy, so we sit on our respective sides of my bed and indulge ourselves in a bit of a marathon. I felt like a huge burden had been lifted from my shoulders. Maybe it was me coming to terms with the fact that me and Sora weren't meant for each other, maybe it was the reassurance that I'd always have the other digi destined. I'm not sure, but it was a warm, giddy feeling. The ecstasy had long worn off, but I had found my serenity again.


	6. Chapter 6

Ch 6

As we finish up the season, I went digging through my fridge to find something that would pass as dinner. I began cooking up some noodles, humming out my song with its new additions. As I turned to give Tai his bowl, he was staring at me with wide chocolate-brown eyes.

"Th-that's awesome." he stuttered. I smiled shyly.

"It's not done, but I think it'll be one of the bands best songs yet." he joined me at the table, and we began eating.

"You have words for it yet?" he asked, mouth full of noodles. I smiled, shaking my head.

"Nah, it's still in the early fazes. I Have this whole book of unused song lyrics, I figured I'd just piece it together from that. It's the emotion of the notes that are most important to me." I shrug, and he looks at me deeply. I fidget in my seat, beginning to feel like he's watching my soul it's self.

"Well it's amazing." he whispers again, turning back to his food. With his attention turned away from me, I watch him carefully. He's eating at a normal persons rate, about half his normal speed. I wonder of there's something wrong, or if he's trying to be more polite around me; God I hope it's the former. I don't mention it though, instead finish my own meal and toss the bowl into the sink.

"So why are we doing this thing with Tk and Davis?" he seems to ask with reluctance. I hesitate, wondering which reason I should give him. Tk obviously told him about his crush on the younger goggle head, but still the other reason seemed to be the more conversational one.

"I don't know. I guess the whole thing with him Tk and Kari just reminds me of us and Sora. And I'd like it if they could be better friends in case the worst should happen. I don't know how things would have been if Sora and I broke up without you here to cheer me up. Besides, they are a lot like us." at this Tai laughed, snorting lightly.

"Yeah I guess they are. You think Davis is ready for a friend like that, though?" I shrugged.

"The four of us hanging out was his idea. You know, after I advised him that friends can still fight, and a lot of the little fights can become reliable and endearing." Tai gave me a strange look.

"So we should fight more around them?" I grinned at him.

"Not quite what I meant." he brought his bowl over to the sink, and started washing through the pile I had started.

"Hey, you don't have to do those, I'll get around to it." I frowned. In reply he simply held up a plate covered in mold. I scoffed.

"Fine, thank-you, Tai." I did an awkward little bow, causing him to laugh. My phone rang just then.

"I'm gonna step out side for a cigarette while I take this, alright?" Tai nodded, waving me off. I answered the phone as I got onto the elevator.

"Matt! Jesus Christ! You are such a prick!" I held the phone away from my ear as the girl screamed at me.

"Nice to hear from you Mimi. How's New York?" I asked, rolling my eyes.

"Don't you small talk me you bastard! Sora's half a reck and I bet you're just sitting at your shitty little apartment watching cartoons with Tai! How can you be so insensitive?!" I sigh.

"I'm not trying to be insensitive, Mimi, but she broke up with me, what else am I suppose to do?" I asked calmly lighting a cigarette.

"oh, I don't know," she started sarcastically.

"Maybe ask her why? Maybe stop her from flying half way around the world? Maybe do SOMETHING?!" I rubbed the bridge of my nose.

"Look, Mimi. I'm glad she has you. But I think she's right, we're not good for each other." she practically screams, and I pull the phone away from my ear again.

"You bitch! You have no idea what's going on, do you?! God you're so selfish! Now I have to take care of her for the next seven months and call of my vacation back home. ARE YOU HAPPY?! God! Whatever." the phone clicks, and I stare at the blank screen in confusion. What the hell? Seven months? It barely took Sora three weeks to get over Tai and ask me out, I mean I know they only dated for a month or two and we've been together for three years, but still. Seven months sounded a little arbitrary. I finished my cigarette while pondering this, then made my way back up to my apartment.

Tai was still doing dishes at the sink when I got back.

"Who was that?" he asked as he scrubbed. I sighed loudly.

"Mimi. She called to bitch me out about Sora." I frowned, plopping back onto my bed. Tai rinsed off his hands and pulled a chair up to me, sitting in it backward.

"For what? I thought Sora broke up with you?" he cocked his head to the side and I rubbed my hands over my face.

"She did, but I guess I was suppose to talk her out of it. Then Mimi said she would be 'taking care of Sora for the next seven months.' I don't get it." Tai frowned.

"Weird. But you guys have been together for years, she's got to be a little upset." I nodded.

"Maybe they were drinking." Tai added with a small smile. I shrugged.

"Anyways, it's pretty late, and you have classes tomorrow, right?" I asked as I stood up. He frowned, but nodded.

"You need a ride home?" I asked as he gathered some things.

"Nah, I could use the air tonight. I'll see you thursday?" he asked, looking at me through his lashes. I stared at him for a minute, having the strangest urge to hug the shit out of him. I sniffed a little turning away towards the door.

"Yeah. Hey, Kari said she talked to Sora before she left, do you think you could see if she know anything else?" Tai nodded, and we said our goodbyes. After he left I flopped back onto my bed, falling asleep in minutes.

I slept in even later than usual the next day, half sulking, and half enjoying the quiet. After getting ready for the day and taking down the Christmas lights, I checked my phone. 5 pm, one missed call from Tai. I sighed, before calling him back.

"Hey Matt. I talked to Kari this morning. She gave me a quick summery of their conversation, but there wasn't anything we didn't know. Sora said a long goodbye to Kari, said she wouldn't be seeing her for the rest of the year, that she could visit over Christmas break, that she'd miss everyone, and that her and Joe were welcome over there when ever they felt like it."

"Her and Joe?" I asked in surprise.

"Yuh-huh. I thought that was weird too, I didn't know they were that close." I shook my head even knowing he couldn't see it.

"They aren't. I mean, all of us have been close at one time or another, but whenever I've heard her use one of the other digi destined's by name it's always been Kari or Mimi or if it's a sarcastic tone, you..." I frowned, but he snickered a little.

"Why, she think I stole you away from her?" I rolled my eyes laughing a little.

"Something like that. She use to pick fights a lot right before your games." I rubbed the bridge of my nose.

"Huh." he paused for a minute before saying

"Well, that's it, so I'll let you get back to your life." I smiled fondly at his sullen tone.

"Nah, if your free, you can come bug me in person. I'm just moping around today anyways." I walked to my mirror and fussed with my hair a little. He pauses, and I figure he's going to tell me about some soccer practice or something.

"Yeah just let me move some stuff around. I'll be there in like twenty minutes."

"Tai, if you have other plans-"

"No it's not that, just give me twenty minutes, I'll be there."

"Alright, I'll see you then." I rolled my eyes, but found myself secretly glad he was planning on stopping by. I waited for him to hang up, but instead heard some shuffling around, then muffled voices. I frowned, pressing my ear into the phone. Was that Tk in the background? I turned my volume up.

"Hey sorry that was Matt."

"You ok?"

"yeah, I'm going to head over there in a bit, I just need to calm down first." I frowned, listening more intently. He obviously forgot again that closing his phone doesn't end the call.

"Of course, I'm here if you ever need to talk."

"Thanks Tk. I'm glad I have someone that understands. I mean I'd sell my soul to be with him."

"I know. But even of he never wants you romantically, I'm pretty sure he wants you intact; soul and all." after that I hung up the phone, feeling like I had eavesdropped on something much too personal. I looked in the mirror again, shocked by the blush that had covered my face.


	7. Chapter 7

Ch 7

I stared at myself in the mirror for a minute, before splashing my face with cold water. What I over heard had been... I'm not sure I know what; Touching? beautiful? Those words weren't right. It was a real reminder that someone cares about me as more than just one of their fellow digi destined. I tried to think of other things, hoping the red would leave my cheeks. Finally I sighed, and decide to step out for a cigarette. As I stepped off the elevator I nearly smacked right into Tai.

"I-sorry-I'm early." he said, blush mimicking the heat on my own face as we still stood close together. My words weren't working, but I managed to hold up my unlit cigarette. Tai reddened even more and turned to stand by my car. I tried not to be awkward, I didn't want him to know I had over heard him and Tk, or that I knew about his crush at all, for that matter. If he knew, it would make it real, it would no longer be just in my head.

"So what do you think?" He asked, startling me out of my haze.

"Think about what?" I nearly snapped defensively. He gave me a confused, almost hurt look.

"A-about Joe... Do you want to talk to him?" he asked nervously without looking at me. I stared at him a minute, feeling guiltier than I had in a long time.

"I didn't mean to snap." I half whispered. Tai looked up at me, a mixture of pity and anticipation on his face.

"I know what you're thinking." he started, making heavy eye contact. I stared back at him blankly.

"But there's no way Sora would cheat on you." I frowned, not even considering that as an option before he mentioned it; but what if she did? What if she's been meeting up with Joe behind my back? There was a long moment of silence before I grinned, feeling moronic.

"Of course not. And even if she would, this is Joe were talking about." I shook my head. Even if she wanted to cheat on me, it wouldn't be Joe. Even if she liked him, he would never agree. Tai nodded.

"So what do you want to do?" he asked, and I sighed heavily.

"I want to drink. A lot." I smiled sadly, and Tai returned my look.

"Sounds good."

We got back to my apartment and I poured us each a shot of what was left of the dragon berry vodka Tai had brought over the other night. After a few silent shots, I looked up at Tai. He was watching me, out of concern I think.

"What, Tai?" I asked as I rubbed my face. He frowned.

"Nothing." I looked up at him showing how little I believed that. He frowned.

"You just look so miserable, and I don't know how to help." a moment more of silence.

"Yeah, I am. And I don't know what to do either." I took down another shot, clicking the empty glass against the table.

"I think I want to ask Joe."

"Can we sober up a bit first? Go tomorrow before we pick up Tk and Davis? Or is this something you need liquor for?" I laughed, not thinking through it that much. Maybe I was drunk already, maybe I just couldn't care enough.

"If it weren't for you I would have stormed over there and knocked his teeth out." he smiled fondly back at me, and I found it contagious.

"Tomorrow sounds good. Are you staying here tonight?" I asked hopefully. He grinned wider.

"Of course. Can't drive like this." he took another shot as if to emphasize his point.

"You don't drive." I laughed. He rolls his eyes before pouring us each another.

"Yes well, you can't drive like this either, so drink up." after a while we were talking loudly and laughing about the 'good old days.'

"you remember devimon tossing us across the ocean in our underwear?" Tai laughed loudly.

"What about Mimi the karaoke queen?" we both burst into drunken laughter until Tai begins to hiccup.

"Why do you never hear about karao-hic-ke anymore?" he asked in something resembling a serious tone.

"What do you mean? There's a karaoke bar not five minutes from here." I frowned back. He looked at me, startled.

"Why have you never told me this? We need to go!" he exclaimed, standing to his feet. I laughed, grabbing his shoulder and pulling him back to his chair.

"Another night, I promise." I waved the idea off. He grinned, and held out his little finger.

"Pinky swear you'll take me!" I grinned back at him, taking his little finger in my own.

"I swear, on the power of Tai's pinky, that we will go to a karaoke bar!" we both laughed.

"How'do you know about that place anyways?" Tai asked me in slurs of words. He always was more of a light weight than me. I shrugged.

"That chick I dated before Sora. What was her name? Torrey? Jackie? Terry?" I began honestly trying to figure it out. Tai snapped his fingers.

"Marry." I laughed.

"I can't remember. Who was your last girlfriend?" I ask, vaguely remembering what Tk had said in the digital forest. He looked up at me startled.

"I.. How should I know?" he looked at me nervously as I stared through him. After a minute I burst out laughing, him following suit.

"Sometimes I think you're as bad as I am." I grinned at him, before my thoughts forced me to hear the rest of that observation. 'and sometimes I think you're an angel.' I looked at him and everything else melted. Why was that? Has this always happened?

"Can't live this life, I gotta' feel my serenity, I can't keep my peace without my angel by my side, Can't live like this without identity, i need the peace within those eyes, can't think of her when you bring my serenity..." I drunkenly muttered my song, staring off at the wall. He stared at me, eyes wide.

"Are those from your lyric book?" he asked, voice cracking a little. I smiled at him, shaking my head.

"nah, sounds good though, right? I should write that down..." I reached for my notepad an pen before tumbling to the ground.

I opened my eyes to find that I had somehow made it to my bed, Tai snoring at the other end. I watched him for a minute, trying to remember the lyrics I had written last night. Had I written them down yet? Or did I just think them? God my head killed.

I stumbled up to the medicine cabinet grabbing myself a couple advil. Next i checked my phone and groaned at the time. One in the morning and I was wide awake. I plopped down at the table, noticing a post it with my lyrics written on it in Tai's handwriting. I looked over at him surprised. Always looking out for me.

As I crawled back in bed, Tai rolled over and snuggled onto my chest. I sighed.

"Ok. You win tonight." I frowned, but allowed the comfort to settle in and lead me back to sleep.

"Matt. Matt! Come on buddy, your phone's ringing, you have to let me get up." My eyes cracked open, the morning blur showing me a mess of brown fluff. I held on tightly, not yet ready to awaken.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely comfortable too, but you have to let me up." I glared at Tai before realizing the death grip I was holding him in. I immediately let go, stumbling back until I landed on the floor. He laughed before calmly getting up, yawning as he answered my cell.

"Tk? Shouldn't you be in school? Oh. Oh shit, no, we're on our way! Matt! It's 4:00! We're late!"

"So much for confronting Joe." I rolled my eyes.

_A/N:: kareokee time coming soon! Lol, please let me know what you think, your feedback makes for better chapters! Thanks for reading! _


	8. Chapter 8

Ch 8

After getting ready and stopping through Starbucks, Tai and I sped to the high school. We pulled in, tires screeching, and saw Davis and Tk sitting at a park bench eating. They turned towards us, waving us over. I sat down next to Tk, and Tai across from me next to Davis.

"So why were you guys two hours late? We ate all the food." Tk asked, munching on the last of the lasagna. I checked my phone, noting that it was well past five.

"Three by my count." I muttered, rubbing the back of my head. Tk rolled his eyes.

"We just slept in, sorry." Tai explained, turning more red than I felt.

"Together?" Davis asked obliviously. Now Tai and I both darkened several shades.

"We were drinking, so what?" I answered defensively. Tk was snickering at my side, despite the 'deer-in-headlights-oh-god-no' look Tai was sending out.

"Well, I hope you left room for today." Davis grinned.

"Hey, no, neither Tai nor myself are buying you kids beer." I frowned, laying down the law. Davis rolled his eyes.

"Duh. That's why I brought my own?" the three of us stared at Davis for a long time.

"What? I'm not allowed to have connections?"

"Not booze connections! Besides, I don't want Tk touching that stuff." I looked at Tk who just rolled his eyes.

"It's not like I've never been drunk before, Matt." I gaped at him.

"Great! Now you're going to tell me you've smoked an had unprotected sex too!" I stood up in a huff. Tk and Davis laughed at me.

"I'm sorry, but you're going to have to loose your innocents sometime." my brother laughed. I glared at him.

"Yeah, but your not!" Tai now joined the children in laughter.

"Come oooon Yama! You remember the first time we got drunk, we weren't much older than them! And if Tk comes back with a smoker's cough, I will personally lock him in a room with a numamon!" we all laughed, and I finally agreed. At least I could gauge if Tk was a serious threat to himself while drinking, and maybe lecture him later when Tai wasn't there to soften me up.

We piled in my car and headed back to my place. I think most people would get sick of laying around their house all day, but what can I say? I must be an introvert.

"So what kind of beer you got?" Tai asked, turning near-fully to face the back seat. Davis rummaged through his bag.

"Mickey's." I rolled my eyes.

"That's not beer, Davis, it's malt liquor." I pulled into my parking space and whipped around to look at Tk.

"Hey! I'm the rebel brother, your the jock nice guy brother!" I pointed at him in accusation of his last statement. He rolled his eyes.

"I'm sixteen, Matt, I have been to parties." I gritted my teeth. Tai placed his hand on my arm, and I looked over at him. God, he was like a puppy, draining all your anger until you just wanted to give him a big bone. I blushed at this inappropriately phrased thought and hurried out my car.

"Alright, alright, tonight we drink malt liquor!" the other three cheered, and followed me to the elevator.

When we got inside, Davis practically lunged at my DVD collection, pulling out several movies at a time then shoving groups of them back.

"I vote terminator!" he grinned up at Tk who was giving him a warm look in return.

"Hey you brought the booze, I vote your pick." Tk shrugged, looking over at me.

"And that's not all I brought!" Davis grinned rushing back to his backpack which was tossed on my table. I gritted my teeth again, really hoping he wasn't going to make me hate him.

"Cheese it's!" we all laughed as he pulled out the box.

"ok. I'm convinced." Tai smiled as he stole the box from Davis and poured it into my large popcorn bowl. I stared at him confused.

"What the hell? I knew I had one of those.." I trailed off. Tai grinned at me, eyes sparkling.

"Yes, Davis can pick." I continued. He shot up his arms and made a sound eerily similar to 'yahoo!' then began setting it up. Tai sat on the edge of my bed, and I sat down next to him, my elbows resting on my knees. Once it started, Davis sat back in front of me, and waved Tk next to him. The majority of the movie Davis and Tk talked over, making fun of certain things, praising others. I looked over at Tai who just smiled knowingly back at me. After the bowl of cheese it's were down to a bowl of crumbs, Davis handed us each a Mickey's. I was still uncertain about the whole thing, but it was a little late to object. Well, object again, and have Tai overrule me. So I began taking it down, and the night became more and more comfortable.

We watched through the whole terminator series before Davis stumbled back over to my DVDs.

"keep going with movies, or watch one of these tv shows?" he asked, pulling out a series by Joss Whedon.

"Yeah, that's a good one. It about people that are brainwashed to be anything."

"Dollhouse. Wow. Not the most convincing name..." David muttered as he read the back. He squinted, pulling the case further and closer to his face.

"My eyes are all blurry. Tk can you read it to me?" I watched as my little brother turned eight shades of red before nodding and taking it from his hands. I glanced at Tai, surprised by the sadness on his face.

"you ok?" I whispered as I leaned closer to him. He looked up at me and I realized in my drunkenness I had leaned in rather close. I pulled back, frowning. He looked at me a minute longer before sighing.

"Can we pleeease go to that karaoke bar?" everyone stared at him before joining in.

"Yeah, Matt, please? That sounds so fun!" Davis whined at my feet.

"Come on, we come see you sing onstage all the time!" Tk added. I rolled my eyes.

"If we go you kids would have to act sober, and not drink for the rest of the night. And we have to walk." Davis frowned, and stared at his Mickey's.

"Deal!" he exclaimed after chugging what was left. Thankfully when Tk agreed he just set his to the side. I grabbed my phone, cigarettes and house keys, and the four of us began walking.

It was cool out, almost a misty chill. The sky was over cast, and I was beginning to worry there might be rain. I watched Tk and Davis making fun of each other up ahead and smiled.

"They're pretty cute like that." I noted quietly.

"Cute?" Tai asked from my side. I looked over at him, not missing the hope marked all over his face.

"Yeah. You think that's how we look?" I asked, feeling like it wasn't at all a weird thing to ask. Tai blushed.

"You mean.. Do I think we're cute?" I paused, eyebrows furrowing. I don't think that's what I meant. But now that I thought about it I wasn't sure what I meant.

"Hey guys! Is this the place!?" Davis yelled back to us. Tk looks to e saying something condescending to him.

"I don't seem inebriated! I'm just drunk!" we heard Davis justify as we got closer. We all laughed before reminding him not to advertise it because of his age.

We entered the karaoke bar-which turns out was more of a karaoke club with a bar in the back-and my three fellow digi destined's flock to choose their songs. Once they were all chosen, we sat down at a table and Tai ordered up some nachos. The room was filled with terrible singers, but I think that made Tai, Tk, and Davis more comfortable. My phone began to ring, and I was glad for the excuse to step outside. I lit up a cigarette and flipped open my phone.

"Matt. Uh-hi. I'm not suppose to but I think we should talk."

"Kari? What do you mean, are you ok?"

"I don't know. But you have to try to get Sora back. I've been on the phone with her for the last hour..." there was a pause while I waited for her to explain. When it became clear that she wasnt going to be the next to speak, I sighed.

"Kari I know you care about us, and I'm so glad. But she doesn't love me like that anymore, and I don't think I love her like that either. I thought she went over this with you." I frowned. Kari sobbed lightly on the other side.

"But she's so alone and she needs you! I know she still loves you, you just need to show her!"

"I can't. Because I don't believe he does, and I don't love her. I'm sorry, but that's the way it is. I gotta go." I hung up the phone, swaying slightly. I know I'll feel guilty about that later, but that's Sora's fault for using the kid as a middle agent. I got back to our table steaming.

"What's up?" I couldn't even look at them right now, I had to vent, and I had to vent now. I looked up to see the next person in line wearing a teenage wolves band tee.

"Excuse me, but I was wondering if I could go next?" I threw on my most charming smile as the girl turned towards me. Her jaw hung for a minute before she covered her face and squealed. I flinched, even though it was just a quiet one.

"Oh my god" she breathed she looked up at me.

"Only if you kiss me" she blushed. I shrugged and pulled her into my arms. She melted before stumbling to the nearest seat. I hopped up on stage, changing out the song to something with more rage.

_Hate me with everything _

_I'm better off without your animosity _

_I'll even sleep better at night...at night _

_I won't believe in you _

_Reminded me of everything you put me through _

_Now everything feels alright...alright _

_I feel so betrayed...mistaken _

_I create another day _

_You'll be gone tomorrow _

_Lie to me.. you're faceless _

_You've made me out to be _

_Responsible for your self-inflicted misery _

_And never felt like this before...before _

_Don't be surprised to see _

_That I have nothing left for you to bleed _

_When you come crawling back for more...for more _

_I feel so betrayed...mistaken _

_I create another day _

_You'll be gone tomorrow _

_Lie to me...you're faceless_

I growled a little into the mic as I finished the song, and then the audience clapped and whistled. To be fair, however, they also cheered for one of the poorest Elvis impersonators I've ever heard.

I made my way back to the table, and plopped back in my seat beside Tai.

"Damn. Dude's got some rage." Davis remarked before grinning.

"A godsmack theme I can work with!" and with that Davis took off to wait in line.

"So. Who called?" Tai asked in a concerned voice. I sighed.

"Kari. Sora's using her as a negotiator now." I rolled my eyes. Both Tai and Tk frowned, but left it alone. Before long Davis had stumbled onto the stage and began setting up his song. He grinned and waved goofily at the audience, but turned dark as soon as the music began.

_One step back from a beat down maniac_

_I'm tired of taking a back seat from all the other demons_

_That are stealing all the good shit_

_Leaving me with nothing but my hands_

_Another stroke down my back, tasting all the flames_

_That are licking around my neck and making me insane_

_As they pull me down, pull me down into my grave_

_I can't get away_

_Ooh, it doesn't mean nothing_

_Until you're deep inside dancing to the devil's swing_

_Whoa, it doesn't mean a god damn thing_

_Dancing to the devil's swing_

_Spit down inside, begging for another ride_

_Trying to find a way to keep it all_

_And satisfy the needs I'm craving_

_And I'm not taking it lightly, oh no_

_I'm living inside, a dead lie_

_Controlled by the devil's eyes and I don't mind it_

_Draw my ace up and roll my snake eyes nightly_

_Hold on, baby_

_Ooh, it doesn't mean nothing_

_Until you're deep inside dancing to the devil's swing_

_Whoa, it doesn't mean a god damn thing_

_Until you're deep inside dancing to the devil's swing_

_Whoa, dancing, dancing to the devil's swing_

_Play with my insanity_

_Live inside my darkened_

_My darkened dreams, darkened dreams_

_Hail to the devil's swing_

_Ooh, it doesn't mean nothing_

_Until you're deep inside dancing to the devil's swing_

_Whoa, it doesn't mean a god damn thing_

_Until you're deep inside dancing to the devil's swing_

_Whoa, it doesn't mean a god damn thing, a god damn thing_

_Dancing to the devil's swing_

As soon as the song was over, he grinned, and waved to the audience, blowing out kisses as he walked back to us.

"This was a good idea." he beamed. Tk looked at him with gooey eyes so obviously, that it's a wonder Davis didn't catch on.

"Your turn." Davis turned to Tk.

"oh, ah, ok? I don't know any metal though, so.." he muttered as he got up to wait in line.

"Is that singing voice genetic?" Davis asked me sounding purely curious. I scrunched my eyebrows, wanting so badly to talk down to him, but instead I laughed.

"I have no idea!"

Tk got on stage, before bursting out in song.

_And I'd give up forever to touch you_

_'Cause I know that you feel me somehow_

_You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be_

_And I don't want to go home right now_

_And all I can taste is this moment_

_And all I can breathe is your life_

_'Cause sooner or later it's over_

_I just don't want to miss you tonight_

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's made to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming_

_Or the moment of truth in your lies_

_When everything feels like the movies_

_Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive_

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's meant to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's meant to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's meant to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_I just want you to know who I am_

He shuffled back to us shyly, but Davis bolted up and hugged him on the way.

"That was awesome! It is genetic!" Tk was more red than I've ever seen him.

"I uh, thanks." I watched as Davis continued trying to convince Tk that he really did like it, as Tk seemed to get more and more fluttery and nervous. I smiled again.

"See? Cute." I pointed. I looked back at Tai, who looked almost as nervous as Tk.

"Guess it's my turn. Heh." he laughed awkwardly as he got up. I looked back at my brother and his crush. Feeling good about today. Music started up, and I turned back to the stage, and watched Tai fiddle with the mic stand.

_I put a spell on you_

_Because you're mine_

_I can't stand the things that you do_

_No, no, no, I ain't lyin' no_

_I don't care if you don't want me_

_'Cause I'm yours, yours, yours anyhow_

_I am yours, yours, yours_

_I love you, I love you_

_I love you, I love you_

_I love you, I love you_

_I love you, I love you_

_Yeah, yeah, yeah_

_Yeah_

_I put a spell on you_

_Lord! Lord! Lord!_

_'Cause you're mine, yeah_

_I can't stand the things that you do_

_When you're foolin' around_

_I don't care if you don't want me_

_'Cause I'm yours, yours, yours anyhow, yeah_

_Yours, yours, yours, yeah_

_I can't stand your foolin' around_

_I love you, you, you_

_I love you, I love you_

_I love you_

_I love you, you, you_

_I don't care if you don't want me_

_'Cause I'm yours, yours, yours anyhow, yeah_

_I love you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you_

As Tai screamed into the mic I stared at him in disbelief. He meant it. It took me until now to realize, but this isn't some crush he has on me; this is love. True romantic, dedicated love. As he finished the song, he made his way back to our table. David and Tk grinned and congratulated him, but I couldn't listen to them. My heart was pounding loudly and I didn't know what to do. Tai loves me. He sat down next to me, smiling nervously.

"Had that song stuck in my head for ages." I nodded, only half paying attention. We stayed there for a while longer, until Tk yawned loudly. I looked over at him, before leaning toward Tai.

"I think we should head back and call it a night. The kids look pretty tired." Tai nodded and we began herding Tk and Davis toward the door.

"aw come on, I was going to sing another one!" Davis whined. I rolled my eyes.

"Next time kiddo." Tai laughed, fussing with the younger goggle head's hair.

"Same day next week?" he bounces a little as we walked back to my apartment.

Tk grins at him, before looking between me and Tai hopefully. Tai and I glance at eachother before Tai turns back to them.

"Sure thing. But no booze, that was a one time thing!" I grinned at him, glad he was being the stern one for once. Tk and Davis agreed before lagging behind Tai and myself, chatting excitedly. Tai turned to me, winking.

"At least not for them." I smiled at him as we loaded onto the elevator.

Once we got to my apartment, I layed out some blankets on the floor, and before I could even hand them my spare pillows, Tk and Davis were fast asleep. Tai sat on the edge of my bed. I leaned against my desk, watching him carefully. He still looked a little nervous, but also like he had let off a lot of steam during his musical number. I tossed him his pajamas, stepping into the bathroom to change into my own. I fussed with my hair a little before reemerging. Tai was dressed, but was still just sitting there. I sat down next to him.

"What's up?" I ask softly. He looks up at me with sad eyes for a second before darting his eyes away.

"It's nothing." we sit like that for a minute. I want to ask him what it's like to be in love. I want to ask how he knows. But I stay quiet until he gets up an crawls into bed. I do the same, but turn towards him, watching the back of his head.

"You always know just how to make everything ok." I tell him. He turns toward me, a look of shock on his face.

"You take good care of me, Tai." his eyes are sparkling back at me, but after a minute he turns back over. I find myself hoping a wake up with him in my arms again.


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N:: a special thanks to comedy-Neko-chan for the loving support! I hope you all enjoy chapter nine!_

* * *

How do you know what love is?

How do you know when you're in love?

I rolled over, looking at the back of Tai's head.

How does he know he's in love?

I sit up, looking at the two teens at the foot of my bed. Tk was curled into a ball with Davis wrapped around him. I furrowed my brow. Did Tai an I look that gay in the mornings? It never felt like it. But maybe it wasn't. Davis was Kari's boyfriend now, so maybe that was just one of those awkward friend moments. I looked back at Tai, suddenly deciding that I didn't care what it meant. If he was in my arms I would have no problem falling asleep. So I inched over to him, carefully draping my arm over him. My heart was pounding, as the distinction between cuddling up in your sleep, and cuddling up to fall asleep became all too clear. This was gay. This wasn't something I should do. As I settled behind him, he leaned into me with a light snore. I held a little tighter, breathing in as his hair brushed against my face. This was definitely not an act of friendship. My heart pounded harder, and I began to suspect that 'falling asleep' might have just been a poor excuse I constructed to further deny what this was. But what was this? A want, a desire, a need, a knowledge that if I didn't have him, I wouldn't have me. I'm not gay, I've never doubted that, even now. So what was this? He smelled different this closely, like I could smell under the hair products and body wash and just smell Tai. I closed my eyes tightly. Sora and I had cuddled and slept together dozens of times at least, but I never thought like this; never felt so focused on every detail. If the love I had for Sora was between friends, than what was this? Tai groaned a little, and I held my breath unconsciously.

"Mmh.. Matt?" Tai asked, turning a little to look at me. I frowned.

"No, go back to sleep." I held him a little tighter.

"What time is it?" his eyes were glazed over in a sleepy haze. I smiled, burrowing my face into his hair.

"Why?" I mumbled.

"As amazing as this is, I have school today, and so do the kids." I groaned loudly. Why did I let them drink on a school night? I sat up, glaring at Tai. I was so close to falling back asleep. He wore a soft smile, foggy eyes still managing to glisten. I grabbed my phone, sighing heavily.

"Shit man it's almost nine." I frowned. Tk and Davis were suppose to be at school in ten minutes. Tai got ready first-since he rarely takes more than five minutes-while I shook Tk awake. He looked at me, before turning to see Davis wrapped around him. I swear I've never seen the kid's eyes open so wide, or see his face turn so red. I smiled down at him, before hearing Tai step out of the bathroom.

"I got him up, you explain the rush." I muttered as I passed by him to get myself ready.

When I stepped out again, Tk was brushing his teeth in my kitchen sink while Tai was laying back on my bed, staring through my ceiling.

"Geeze Matt, such a girl." Davis grumbled as he passed me.

Soon we were piling in my car, and Heading to the high school.

"Sorry guys, I should have set an alarm or something." I frowned as I parked outside. They both grinned as they got out of the car.

"Last night was awesome, no worries." Davis smiled as he and Tk hurried inside. I turned to Tai.

"Ok, now you." I sighed heavily. Tai placed his hand on my arm before I switched gears.

"I, uh, I called in sick." he said quietly. He peeked up at my shyly and I grinned at him.

"Thank God, because I'm starving." I laughed. Tai beamed at me, and we began heading to our favorite sandwich shop.

"You mind if I just grab them to-go and we head back to my place? I'm not feeling so active today." I scratched the back of my neck as I asked. He shrugged.

"Sure, but I can run in if you want." he offered already getting out of the car.

"Thanks man." I closed my eyes and leaned back. Things were confusing, but the one thing I knew for sure was that I love Tai. I don't know if it's just an excessive-bordering on obsessive-friend type love, or an actual romantic gay love, but I love him more than I knew possible.

The car door opens and he grins widely at me. I smile back, and he looks at me with a strange look.

"What?" I ask, suddenly worried. He stutters for a second before blushing and shaking his head. So I drop it, and head home.

"You starved, or you mind if I have a cigarette first?" I ask as we pull in the parking lot. He rolls his eyes.

"I'm pretty sure I can manage eating while you smoke." he grins at me. We get out, and Tai walks around the car to lean next to me. He's holding the sandwich bag in his hands, but all through out my smoke he doesn't open it, just stares at it.

"Seriously Tai, what?" I ask again. He looks up at me, red cheeks and wide eyes, before darting his eyes away.

"I uh, I was just thinking about this morning." he mumbled almost too quietly for me to hear. I smiled.

"I had almost fallen back asleep, too." I replied almost as quietly. He looked so shocked, I swear he almost dropped the food.

"Back asleep? So..." he trailed off, looking off to the distance in confusion.

"I didn't think you'd mind." I shrugged, as though my heart wasn't about to pop out my chest.

"Mind what?" he half squeaked. I laughed, probably having too much fun with this.

"You looked so comfortable and cute there, I thought if I got close enough you would help me sleep." he looked like he had stopped breathing, his face was going a little pale.

"Oh. Ok." he breathed out. I laughed, and flicked my cigarette.

"Is that ok? Because you are like, insanely comfortable." I admitted, leaning forward a little to look over at him. He glanced up at me nervously.

"I-uh-yeah, I mean... I guess, when you, you know, want to?" he stuttered. I smiled and lead the way to the elevator.

We got back up to my apartment and Tai handed me my sandwich, already starting on his own. After he finished eating, he just stared at the table. I frowned.

"What, Tai?" I asked for what felt like the hundredth time. He looked up at me sheepishly.

"Sorry, it's, ah, nothing. You just.. I don't know, you just threw me off." he muttered. I smiled, and the word 'cute' again sprang to mind. Ok, so if he had, you know, girl parts than I would be madly in romantic type love with him. But I'm just not gay. That makes sense, right?

"So what's the plan?" I asked, casually holding my hands behind my head.

"Well, you wanted to see Joe?" he asked meekly. I sighed, leaning back in my chair.

"Nah, I don't really care about that anymore." I smiled at the brunette. His eyes widened and he looked confused and relieved.

"Or we could watch a movie or something?" he suggested.

"Yeah, pop one in. Man I need a playstation or something." finally he laughs.

"I'd never see you again!" he teased

"Nah, you know you'd be here bugging me for a turn." we grinned at each other, before he got up and looked through my DVDs.

"Hey what about this Tv show? I've never even heard of it." he held up the box set Davis had pulled out before we left for the karaoke bar. I shrugged.

"Yeah it's pretty good." he popped it in and hopped up on his side of my bed. I sat down next to him sighing in a relaxed sort of way. As we watched the first couple episodes, I found myself mostly watching him. When I thought he just had a crush on me, I couldn't really explain why it didn't bother me the way it should. Then, I couldn't stop amusing myself at his expense. But now... Now I'm realizing how much I love being with him, how I always want to be with him, how I couldn't be happy without him. How I love him. He looked at me, finally noticing I was staring. He blushes.

"What is it?" he asks softly. I smile at him.

"I'm not gay." I stated simply. His blush deepened a great deal.

"W-what? I know, I mean, obviously." he stutters, half looking like he's about to die, and half looking like he's going to bolt out of my apartment.

"I just thought you should know." I paused, gauging his reaction before continuing.

"And I also thought you should know that you are by far my favorite person. And I'm having a hard time understanding that contradiction." he starred into my eyes for a long minute, searching I suppose. I turned back to the Tv, and after a reluctant minute, he followed suit. Every so often he would look over at me nervously, before snapping his eyes back to the show.

"Alright, I'm am definitely ready for a cigarette." I smiled at him. He grinned, a light blush still on his cheeks. It was still kind of overcast and cold out, the ground wet from a midnight rain. Tai shivered as we stepped off the elevator. He leaned against my car as I lit up my cigarette.

"You cold?" I asked, already knowing he was. But he just crossed his arms and shook his head. I rolled my eyes and pulled my jacket off.

"I'm sweating anyways." I hold it out to him, and he takes it with a shaking hand.

"Thanks, but I'm really not that cold." he lies as he seems to melt into my jacket.

"Goddamn it, Tai." I smile fondly at him. He looks up at me surprised. I can't help it. He's a little smaller than me, and the way he shrunk into my coat... I think the word 'cute' has become one of my most common thoughts these days. I grin, and shake my head. He's making it harder and harder to keep myself from being gay for him. Huh. Gay for him. Exclusively. That's not so bad.

"Matt?" he asked, waving his hand past my eyes.

"Hm?" I replied, as I still pondered if that was really the truth.

"Thought I lost you. You ok?" he pulled my jacket around him more, and I grinned at him.

"Yeah buddy. I'm great." he smiled back at me, before looking up at the cloudy sky. I watched him as I finished up my cigarette. There was a new light on him, or more accurately radiating from him. My thoughts were interrupted by my phone going off. I groaned, and Tai starred at my pocket, frowning. I watched him for a second, his frown bothering me. I reached in my pocket, silencing it before looking back at Tai. He grinned at me.

"Can't be that important." I smiled back at him. I flicked my cigarette, and Tai and I headed back up. He starts up the next episode and sits back on his side of my bed. He snuggles into my jacket again, causing me to smile warmly again at him. I edge closer to him, and put my arm over his shoulders. He looks up at me startled, before leaning into it.

"You're my favorite person too." he murmurs as he adjusts his head to lean against my shoulder, his hand resting on my chest.

_A/N:: Thanks for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts! Stay tuned for chapter 10! (coming soon)_


	10. Chapter 10

_A/N:: I hope you all enjoy ch 10! I know I enjoyed writing it!_

_Again, many thanks to comedy-Neko-chan! And (lol) honestly I blame my shitty summery and story beginning :P but I'm a blacksmith, not a writer, so I'm sure that's got a bit to do with it too. XD_

* * *

Ch 10

We stayed cuddled up even as the last episode on the disk finished up. I picked up my remote, flipping the tv off. I should get up, switch out the disks, or something, but part of me worries that if I move Tai off of me, I won't be able to bring myself to get comfortable with him like this again. So I remain still, enjoying the warmth of his body pressed against my own. After a long quiet minute, I pull out my phone to check the time.

"Shit, Tai, Joe's tried to call me like eight times." I say as I begin to stand up. I grab my cigarettes and call him back as I step outside.

"Oh, uh, hi Matt. So uh, look, Sora called me... What did she tell you about her situation?" he asked timidly. I frowned.

"What do you mean? She dumped me over the phone, then flew across the world to stay with Mimi." I heard Joe sigh on the other end.

"So she didn't tell you." he stated.

"Tell me what?" I was starting to get pissed.

"Matt she's three months pregnant." I nearly stumble against my car.

"What? No, no, no... She would have told me..." Wouldn't she? If shes carrying my kid, she would have told me, she wouldn't just leave... She wouldn't break up with me... She wouldn't...

"I was hoping she told you... Izzy and I are flying out there tomorrow night. But I really think you guys should talk."

"She... She can't be... Joe I swear to god if you're fucking with me-"

"I'm sorry Matt, but I just got off the phone with her a few hours ago. I'm just looking after her and the baby." I slumped to the ground, unable to believe what I was hearing.

"I hope you guys work things out. I got to go."

"Yeah, thanks." I mutter as I hang up the phone. My hands are shaking, and my cigarette had already gone out. I have to talk to her. I have to hear it from her. I shakily pull my phone out, and wait breathlessly for her to answer. When it connects however, it's Mimi on the other end.

"What do you want, Matt?" she asks bitterly.

"I just talked to Joe.. It's not true, is it?" I ask, already knowing it is.

"Seriously? You're just now figuring it out? My god, Matt, no wonder she came to me. You're not fit to care for a dog, much less a baby. She doesn't want to talk to you, ok? So as far as I'm concerned, this baby's got nothing to do with you besides its genes. So go back to your immature life of cartoons and pitiful music."

"Wait, please Mimi... I can't, just wait." she sighs.

"Fine. What?" I pause, trying desperately to think straight.

"You can't just tell me this then expect me to leave, please, I need to talk to her."

"Why? What could you possibly say? She doesn't want to talk to you. If you really think you can make anything ok, tell me, and I'll decide if she's ready to hear it." my hearts pounding, and I feel like I'm floating away from my body.

"I want to be there. I want to be part of my kids life." she snorts.

"And why should we let you? What possible influence could you have on this child's life? Hm? Think about it. You barely have enough money to pay for that shitty apartment, your people skills don't reach beyond a flirty smile, and you have zero respect for women. This kid is much better without you. If Sora didn't agree she wouldn't have come here. Hell, we weren't even going to tell you. Now, tell me why you deserve to be here." I paused, letting it all sink in. She was right, I have nothing to offer this kid.

"Ok. I... Sorry... I understand." I said quietly before hanging up the phone. I slowly got to my feet and wandered back to my apartment. Tai was loading in another DVD before looking up at me with worried eyes.

"Hey, what's up? You ok?" he asked as he got up to stand beside me. I shook my head, feeling like this had to be a dream.

"I can't... This can't be real.." a tear slid from my eye, and Tai placed his hand on my shoulder. I looked through him, unable to feel or think clearly.

"What can't? Matt, talk to me." he lead me to the bed and I stumbled to a sitting position.

"She thinks I have nothing to offer... Says if Sora thought otherwise she wouldn't have flown to live there." I bring my shaking hands to my face, tears still falling.

"You mean Mimi? What does she know, huh? Look at me, Matt, you are an amazing guy. Sora's got to be brain damaged not to see that."

"She's pregnant. And they're right. What could I possibly give them? Why do I deserve to be a part of her kids life?" Tai looks surprised, but then like he's about to cry too.

"Matt, Matt, Jesus. You're having a baby." he breaths out. Theres a long silence as he rubs my back and cries lightly with me.

"As far as they're concerned... It's not mine. They weren't even going to tell me... Oh god, they're right, I have nothing to give. I... I have nothing to give and so I shouldn't be there at all." I cry harder, and lean onto Tai's shoulder. He adjusts himself to better hold me.

"Matt, oh god Matt." he whispers, but is unable to give me any solace. I cry until I can't anymore, and even then I don't move. I feel worthless and helpless, and still utterly shocked. Finally I move to lay back on my bed, grabbing Tai's arm loosely. He follows me, wrapping his arms around me.

"Please don't leave." I whisper pathetically. He tightens his grip.

"Never. God, Matt, I'll never leave you."

I wake up numbly, noticing that Tai is no where to be seen. On the table there's two cups of coffee, two sandwiches, a large bag of candy, a bag of chips, and a post it note. I walk over to it, reading Tai's scribbled handwriting.

'Matt, I'll be back real soon. I got us some breakfast and coffee, so just hold on until I get back.'

I grab my cigarettes and step out my door, immediately seeing Tai pacing the hall.

"No, you listen you fucking bitch! You have no right to do this! I swear to god if you try to keep Matt from this kid I will reign legal hell down on you! I don't care if I have to drop out of school and spend the rest of my life in debt! Oh don't you fucking dare go there! You know as well as I do that Matt's the most compassionate and caring man there is-he has love! More love than you could ever hope to understand! Oh, what? Because he chooses to live doing what he loves he's not good enough? What the fuck gives you the right?!" he turns, and blushes as he sees me.

"This isn't over." he says before hanging up the phone, and walking up to me.

"Hey. Sorry, I left a note." he says to me, eyes full of sorrow. I return the look, then pull him into my arms, holding him tightly. His hands grab the back of my shirt loosely.

"I'm guessing that was Mimi?" I ask weakly. He nods into my shoulder.

"It's ok, Tai. She's right. That kids better off without me." he pulls back, his hands on my chest, and mine still on his shoulders.

"Don't say that. Don't ever even think it. She thinks because you don't have money there's nothing you can give; but don't ever let yourself believe that. You're better than that." his hand reaches up to my cheek, his thumb tracing where my tears had fallen last night.

"You're so much more. Any one would be lucky to have you care about them." I look at him sadly, glad that at least he believes that.

"What good could I do? You know me better than anyone, so please tell me, what good could I do?" I ask looking into his eyes. I wasn't sure I'd believe him even if he could answer me, but maybe of he couldn't we could work on forgetting all of this. He stared back at me with determination.

"You, Yamatto Ishda, are the single most amazing man there is. Your child needs to know you. They need to be with you, and have you be there for them like I know you always will be. You will never let them feel alone. You will pick them up when they fall, and never judge them for their mistakes. You will love them, and that is more than enough." I had started crying again, and slowly crumbled to the floor, leaning against my door. I believed him. I knew I would love my kid unconditionally. I knew I could be good for them. But did any of that matter? Was it really enough? Tai sat down next to me, and I leaned into him. His fingertips traced my arm, pulling electricity from my bones. I smiled lightly. How could I ever have denied loving this man?

After a long minute, he helped me up, bringing me back inside. I sat at my table, grabbing my coffee with both hands.

"I love you, Tai." I whispered. He looked up at me startled, before smiling warmly.

"Tell me again when we make things right, ok?" I smiled softly back at him

* * *

_A/N:: aw, hope this chapter was ok, as always I'd love to hear your thoughts! _


	11. Chapter 11

Ch 11

We had made it back to the futon, and started up the tv show again. Tai was sitting in front of me, my arms wrapped around his chest, my chin on his shoulder.

"You really think I'd be good for this kid?" I ask again. I know what he'll say, but I need to hear it again.

"Of course. I believe it with all I am. You will too, once you you meet them." I squeeze him a little, then try to focus on the show again; but how can I? All I can think about is my many flaws, and about what Mimi said. What if the only thing this kid picks up from me is my tendency to underachieve? Or how often I drink? What if they start smoking because of me? What if they find my drugs? God, what if I get angry? I get violent when I get angry, god, what if I turn into a mess of a father and treat them horribly!?

"Matt. You're going to love this kid. And they'll love you too." I loosened the death grip I hadn't noticed I was holding him in. He sighed, before turning to me. I stared into those courageous chocolate brown eyes, and tried desperately to believe him.

"This is going to take time. But we have just under seven months to work it out. Right now, you need to relax, think about yourself." he frowned. I sighed.

"I am thinking about myself. God, Tai, I'm such a fuck up, how can you know?" I asked, unsure of whether I meant about the baby, or about Tai's own love. He grinned at me, catching me off guard.

"Because you're Yamatto Ishda! Rockstar, digi destined, and savior of the worlds!" I laughed.

"Come on Tai, it's not like I did it all on my own." I blushed a little as he looked at me more seriously.

"And Sora can't do this on her own. Be as modest as you like, but you're amazing. And if you don't fight to get to know this kid, this kid will grow up and fight to get to know you. Let's make it easier on them and fight for it now, ok?" I was struck speechless. How did he do that? How could he-no matter the situation-make things right for me?

"You take such good care of me." I breathed in response. He grinned back at me with glistening eyes.

"It's why I'm here. Now come on, I want to see how the story ends." he turned back to the tv, pulling my arms around his waist again. How did I get so lucky? We watched a few more episodes, my mind finally at peace. Eventually I got up, grabbing a sandwich off the table.

"What's with the junk food?" I ask, prodding a large bag of mixed candy. He blushes a little.

"I was a little on edge, I thought, you know, sometimes junk food can do wonders." he shrugged with a shy smile. I laughed at him a little.

"I guess it can." I smiled at him warmly. He was always doing everything to take care of me. When Sora and I were together, he was always there for me, always making me feel better about every fight, always keeping me from feeling alone, as I have all my life. How had I not noticed how much I need him before this? How had I never noticed how perfect we are together?

My thoughts are interrupted by my phone ringing. I sigh and check the caller id. Tai frowns, pausing the show for me.

"Hey Tk! What's up?"

"Hey Matt! Davis and I are heading out to the carnival. I was hoping you and Tai might want to join us?" He asked almost nervously. I laughed.

"Wow, I thought it would take you guys ages to become friends." I chuckle again before asking him to hold on.

"Tai, Tk says the carnival's in town, do you wa-" he hops up, and starts getting ready. I laugh, pulling the phone back to my ear.

"Yeah, sounds good. You guys need a ride?"

"Yeah! -Davis! They're in!- we're at Mom's house if you don't mind picking us up." he sounds thoroughly excited.

"I'll see you soon, kiddo." I hang up the phone, and Tai hands me my jacket, keys, and cigarettes. Before I take them, however, I pull him into a hug.

"Don't tell them yet. I just need to forget for a while." I whisper. Tai rubs my back gently.

"Of course."

As we drive towards my mom's house, I hum lightly to myself. I had almost completely forgotten that I had been working on this song, yet the notes seemed to flow freely one after the next without me hardly noticing. By the time I pulled in, I had hummed out the last note. I parked, and Tai handed me the notebook I kept in my glovebox. I smiled to myself, again wondering how I never noticed my reliance on him, before jotting down what I could. I went through it again in my head, humming out loud for certain aspects that had begun to slip away. I grinned down at the sheet after finishing. I handed the book back to Tai, our hands touching. Looking up at him, I suddenly lost all interest in anything else. His eyes were gleaming at me with a warmth I felt honored just to be directed my way. I wasn't sure if my breath had slowed or time had. We stayed in that moment for a long time before hearing Davis and Tk running toward the car.

"I heard the haunted house is super freaky this year! You think you can make it through?"

"Hell yeah, I'm more worried about the house of mirrors with your goofy-looking hat bouncing beside me!" they laughed as they hopped in the back seat. I smiled, glad they had gotten on such good terms.

"What about you, Matt? What do you want to do first?" Tk asked as he buckled his seatbelt with a grin. Tai looked over at me expectantly.

"Honestly I think I just want a Carmel apple." I smiled. Tai smiled back, and for a long second I was lost again.

"What about you, Tai?" I finally asked, still lost in those eyes.

"Ferris wheel." I grinned wider, already imagining the scene.

"Come ooon, we only have three hours until they close!" Davis whined from the back seat. I tore my eyes from Tai's to glance in the rear view mirror. I laughed a little, embarrassed by my obvious sappy moment. Although not too obvious apparently, because the moment I began moving the car Tk and Davis began chatting excitedly again.

"-and fresh squeezed lemonade"

"And deep fried twinkies"

"and powdered-wait, what?" Tk asked suddenly as I parked the car.

"Deep fried twinkies man! Don't tell me you've never tried it!?" Davis asked, seeming to struggle with his seat belt for a minute.

"My god, Davis, how have you not had a heart attack yet? That just sounds.. Awful." Tk frowned, holding his stomach before getting out the car. I stepped out, lighting a cigarette while I waited for Tai.

"Well its not like I eat them everyday, that's why it's carnival food!" Davis grinned as he walked in step with Tk towards the entry. Tai leaned against the car beside me.

"Reminding you of us again?" He asks quietly, watching them with me. I frowned at him.

"Where does that leave Kari?" I ask, suddenly wondering if Sora was ok. Tai looked up at me sadly.

"I probably should have thought of that." He replied quietly.

"Sorry, I... I don't know that this was a good idea.." I stuttered, looking away from him. I feel his hand on mine, squeezing lightly. I blush, and look down at our entwined hands. The last time we did this, it was to help us save the world many years ago. I squeezed back. We were quiet for the rest of my cigarette, just leaning against my car holding hands. Finally I let go, flicking my cigarette.

"Ok. I'm ready." I smiled at him. He hopped up, walking by my side.

"So Carmel apples first." Tai stated, grinning at me.

"Then the ferris wheel." I smiled back

_A/N:: hey guys! Thanks for supporting _my fic! :) hope you enjoyed ch 11! As always I'd love to hear your thoughts!


	12. Chapter 12

_A/N:: Thanks so much for all your support! It truly means a lot to me! Please enjoy chapter 12! :D_

* * *

Ch 12

We approach the line for the caramel apples, but Tk and Davis bounce over to us, handing us each one.

"you guys took forever!" Tk grinned as I took the apple from him.

"Come on! We have to hurry!" Davis whines as Tai takes his from the boy. I watch them, and Tai seems to be glaring daggers at the younger brunette.

"You guys go ahead, we're going to head to the ferris wheel." I smile at them. David grabs Tk's hand.

"I told you, dude, let's go! The haunted house awaits!" and with that, my brother is lead away. Tai sighs beside me.

"Maybe I should talk to him." he frowns. I grab his free hand loosely.

"I don't think he knows how he feels yet." I half whispered. We sat down at a nearby picnic table, watching the ferris wheel turn in the distance.

"Maybe I should talk to Kari." he tries again. I look over at him sadly, but he's still just watching the festival in front of us.

"Maybe. What do you think you'll say?" he hesitates, before looking up at me.

"I guess it would help if she understood about us." he looked away for a second before continuing shyly.

"but I guess to do that, I'd have to understand about us." I think he's expecting me to explain, but I can't quite figure out what to say. Are we boyfriends? No, not quite. I don't know that I'm comfortable with that yet. Lovers? No, that implies we're having sex, and sex with a man is DEFINITELY not something I'm ready for. A moment passes before he blushes.

"Sorry, you don't have to... Sorry." I smile warmly down at him.

"I don't think I understand yet either. But I love you. And I'd like to think that you love me too." I said quietly.

"And I know it's more than friendship. I know that." I continued. He smiled up at me.

"That's a good start." we finished our caramel apples then began walking to the ferris wheel. We held hands the whole way there, pointing at different colorful rides and attractions, and smiling to each other. When we got to the line for the ferris wheel, Tai began to grin.

"It's been so long since I've been on one of these!" he bounced slightly. I smiled warmly down at him, squeezing his hand affectionately. A flash went off, and we both looked up startled.

"Ishda Yamattooo! Oh my god! I'm your biggest fan! We've met once before, at that party on safaia street!" I frowned down at the girl, not recognizing her at all. Her camera though...

"Oh. You took that picture of me and Kris." I pointed at her old school Polaroid. She beamed.

"Yes! I run the immortalteenwolf website!" she squealed.

"It is SUCH an honor! And who's your friend?" she blushed. I frowned, not wanting my personal life thrown online. I pulled my hand away from Tai's, shoving it in my pocket.

"Look, uhm, what did you say your name was?" she squealed again.

"Ohmygod, uhm, Sakura?" she seemed to ask. I smiled down at her, forcing a polite, charming look.

"Sakura. I'm really just trying to relax with my friends today, but if you want an interview, you can email my band mates and me at this address." I pull a card out of my wallet, and she takes it with another loud squeal.

"Oh my god, thank you! Have a good time!" she blushes, and hurries away. I sigh in relief as she skips away.

"God I hate that." I mutter, wondering to myself how many thousands of people will see that picture.

"Don't lie." Tai smiles at me.

"You love your fans!" I laugh.

"Yeah, but from a distance!" we stepped onto the ferris wheel cart, sitting across from each other.

"Hope she got my good side, after all, I'll be on the immortalteenwolf website with the great Ishda Yamatto!" I roll my eyes at him.

"Like you have any other side." he looks up at me blushing.

"W-what?" I smile at him, blushing a bit myself as the cart begin to lift off the ground. We stay quiet for a long while until we reach the top. I look over at Tai, and he looks back. I smile as I realize his gooey eyes are reflecting my own. I lean forward and kiss him gently. His lips are chapped and rough, but his cheek is warm and smooth under my hand. He tastes of caramel apples and coffee, and a light hint of something resembling cinnamon. I smile as he kisses back with more passion. His right hand's on the back of my neck, buried in my hair. His left is on my hip, sending waves of heat through my bones. Finally we break apart with a few last little kisses.

"My god, Yama." he breathes, warm eyes searching my own.

"Yeah." I whisper back, unable to believe the perfection of that moment. Too soon, the ferris wheel stops, and we need to get off. I take his hand, and lead him back out into the festival.

We wander for a while before seeing Tk and Davis running toward us.

"Matt! Tai!" Tk yells with a grin when he spots us. He gets closer, and I notice the giant stuffed pig on his back.

"Davis won it for me at the ring toss!" I smile at them, but Davis suddenly frowns.

"You guys are holding hands." he observes. I look over at Tai shyly, but neither one of us pulls away.

"Yep." Tai states simply.

"That's sure one nice pig!" he continues. Tk grins.

"Isn't it? He had to hit the center five times to get it! Guess how many tries it took him?!" Tk pulled the stuffed animal around to hug it to his chest. Davis blushed.

"Mmh, twenty-three?" Tai randomly guesses with a grin.

"seven!" Tk bursts out, staring at Davis with gleaming eyes. Davis shrugged.

"No big deal, I mean I missed a few times." he blushed further. I rolled my eyes

"Yeah Tk, don't inflate his ego too much, it might pop!" we all laughed before Davis suggested we head back to the food court.

"Time for you to try a deep fried Twinkie! I can never eat the whole thing, so we'll have to share!" Davis winked at Tk, causing him to blush lightly. They walked ahead of us a bit, chattering and bouncing excitedly.

"You want a corn dog?" I asked Tai, pointing to one of the stands closer to us.

"And lemonade if they have it." he grins up at me.

"Alright, go grab us a table, I'll be right there." I smile as I watch him walk away. Once I pay for the food, I wade through the crowd, looking for Tai's bushy hair. I smile as he waves me over to the bench where he's sitting across from Tk and Davis. I sit down next to him, handing him one of the corn dogs in my left hand, and the lemonade in my right.

"Oh my god, Davis, this is amazing!" Tk grinned at the other boy after eating a forkful of deepfried Twinkie. I shook my head at them.

Even after we finished eating, we stayed at the table, and it felt like old times; well, the times before yesterday. As the sun began to set, Davis ran off, pulling Tk behind him again.

"The fireworks are gonna start soon! We gotta get a good seat!" he yelled as the pair of them ran off. I sighed deeply.

"You ok, Matt?" Tai asked, watching me with concerned eyes. I smile lightly.

"Better. This was good." I set my hand on the bench next to me, and he lays his on top lightly.

"Yeah." he smiles distractedly, and I wonder if he's remembering our ferris wheel ride. I've kissed a lot of girls. Sometimes it's because I was trying to date them, other times it was just a fleeting way to get what I wanted. (Like the time at the karaoke bar for example) but until today, I've never had a real kiss; one that sets your soul on fire, and shows you what it's like to be alive. No, as far as I'm concerned, today was my first kiss.

"You ready to check out the fireworks?" he asks me with glistening eyes.

"Sounds good."

We found a nice spot in the grass on a hill overlooking the fairgrounds. There were a few other groups of people around, but we were higher up than them so it still felt secluded. Tai flopped down with a sigh. He looked up at me, using his hands as a pillow. In the light of the moon, his eyes glistened, his hair waving slightly from the breeze. I laid down at his side, and for a while we just watched each other contentedly. When the fireworks began, Tai nervously edged over to me. I lifted my arm, inviting him onto my chest. We cuddled and watched the light show, and it all felt perfect.


	13. Chapter 13

The firework finale had started up, and my hand had found its way into Tai's hair. He nuzzled into me a little more as my fingers slid through his brown locks. His hair was more corse than my own, but still extremely soft and nearly silky. I thought again of our first kiss. It wasn't like kissing a girl, and that thought might have bothered me some time ago, but it was perfect all the same. His rough lips against my own, and calloused hand on the back of my neck were obvious manly traits, but it's not like it felt like kissing a man; it was just... Kissing Tai. And that was right.

"Your hearts beating really fast." he mentions quietly. I pull my hand away from him.

"Can I kiss you again?" I ask breathlessly. He sits up, looking at me with fragile eyes, a firework filled sky behind him. Before he could answer I reach up, cupping his jaw in my palm. I stroke his cheek gently, and he nods. I don't hesitate to lean forward and taste him once again. His right hands on my chest, shaking slightly. I wrap my arms around his waist and pull him closer, needing to feel more of him.

Passion and heat. Trembling hands. I need him, all of him. I lay him back in the grass, practically straddling one of his legs. His left hands tangled in my hair, his right's on the small of my back, keeping me close. A flash went off to my right, but I didn't care. All I could think about was my best friend laying under me. Strong, courageous, soft bronze skin, muscular build, laying under me, kissing me back, following my lead. This was heaven. He is heaven. Soft sweet kisses, slowing down as I reluctantly pull away. I stare into those eyes, and all I can think about is him. He brushes his thumb over my lower lip lightly.

"Better than I ever imagined." he breathed. I smirked at him a little.

"You imagine kissing me often?" I tease. He blushes considerably, before nervously nodding.

"For a long time now. I never thought... I never thought you'd kiss me first. Hell, I never thought you'd kiss me at all." he looks so nervous, so fragile, but still retains every ounce of strength in those eyes.

"Me either. Hope it's as good of a surprise for you as its been for me." I smile a little, he grins.

"Of course. This is heaven."

"My exact thoughts." I lean down again, taking soft quick kisses.

"Oh my god." I look up to see Tk and Davis standing there. I blush, stumbling off of Tai.

"Now I get it. NOW it makes sense!" Davis wailed dramatically spinning around.

"Davis wait!" Tk rushes after him.

"Shit." I whisper, running my hand through my hair. I hadn't realized it until now, but the fireworks were over, and most of the people had already left. I glanced at Tai. He seemed dazed, lost in thought.

"You ok?" I ask. He smiled up at me.

"Sorry, but... THIS is the best night of my life." I laugh at him lightly.

"That's what you said about Monday night. Let's give it another week at least before jumping to that." he beams at me, and I lay down at his side. The sky had cleared up and was now glistening with stars.

"Mine too though." I breathed, probably too quiet for him to hear. We stayed like that for a long time, watching the stars, and listening to the hum of the night. I felt peaceful, like everything had been made clear. It felt like I had found the only thing I need in this life. I looked over at him warmly. I wanted to make everyday the best in his life. In that moment I felt I needed to do anything within my power to make that happen. He looks over at me, almost apologetically.

"Do you think we should go find them?" I frowned.

"Find who?" he laughs, before standing up. Suddenly I remember Tk and Davis. I blush, and stand up beside him.

"Yeah, you're probably right." I sigh. We walk slowly in the direction they took off in. I still feel light headed, and I wonder again why I never did any of this sooner. We turn the corner, and see Tk sitting on a park bench alone. I rush up to him.

"Tk, what happened?" I ask, as I kneel in front of him. He looks far away.

"Nothing. He wouldn't talk to me. Said to leave him alone." Tk muttered quietly. Tai walked past us to look for Davis as I moved to the bench beside my brother.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, and I felt a wave of guilt.

"It... God, Tk, it just kind of happened." I swore under my breath. He looked up at me.

"I just... I don't want Davis to think this was some kind of double date, or anything weird... I just wanted to be closer to him..." he trails off.

"God, I'm so sorry, Tk, I didn't mean for this..." he looks up at me angrily.

"No. But you didn't think about it either. God Matt, it's not just about me and Davis either! Tai loves you, it's written all over his face! He's your best friend and he loves you, and he's just your rebound!" he screams. I resist the urge to punch him.

"Like hell he is." I nearly growl back.

"For the first time I'm happy, truly happy. And I'm not lonely. And he takes care of me, and I want to take care of him! I can't live without him, and whenever I see him I just want to hold him and keep him near me! For gods sake Tk, if thats not love!" I pause as he looks up at me startled.

"You love him?" I blush and look away.

"I'm not gay." I find myself replying defensively. There's a second of silence before Tk bursts into laughter.

"Is that what this is? Your not scared of being in love! Your not even scared of being loved!" he laughs again, a little patronizingly this time.

"You just want to be straight. So that's it? So, what, you love Tai, but it's how I love Kari? God Matt, you're more screwed up than I thought." he rolls his eyes.

"Of course not! I love Tai, ok? I love him with every romantic fiber I didn't know I even had! I'm not gay, but I'm so in love with him that none of that matters, ok?!" I'm screaming at him now, but I can't seem to stop.

"I love him! I'm not gay because I've never thought about any of this shit before him! But I guess I'm not straight either, since I've never been in love with a girl! So what do you want from me?! Huh? I'm just Tai-sexual, ok!?" I'm standing in front of him, hands balled into fists. He looks up at me for a minute, before laughing genuinely.

"Tai-sexual?" he repeats laughing. I blush, as more laughter comes from behind me. I turn, seeing Tai and Davis standing there. Davis is laughing, but Tai has this warm smile on his blushing face. My face heats up even more, and I turn to storm off. Once I'm over the hill, back the way we came Tai catches up to me.

"Matt! Hey." I stop walking, but can't look up at him.

"I... I'm sorry. I thought it was beautiful." I glared at him, both of us still blushing.

"We were fighting, it wasn't suppose to be beautiful." I defended quietly. He wrapped his hand around my fist.

"Still." We looked at each other for a minute before I began to relax, opening my hand to better hold his. He leads me back to the kids, but stops me from getting too close.

"Just watch. Things are about to work out." Davis was sitting next to Tk now, both of them laughing. They seemed to talk more excitedly, like they had been all day. Then, as Tk seemed to be in the middle of his sentence, Davis leaned in, kissing him. I turned to Tai, startled. He smiled back at me.

"I found Davis by the pond down the road. He told me it freaked him out seeing us like that. Because ever since karaoke that night, he hasn't stopped thinking about Tk. But he was very adamant about being straight. I think walking in on your rant helped him." he smiled at me, and we watched as Tk and Davis talked sweetly.


End file.
